tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-74771870549956929312024-03-06T03:35:49.032-05:00Her Arms Are Strong Gentle Parenting | Natural Living | Christian Faith Jessiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12019656733980508821noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-2151285252438101602019-08-17T11:10:00.001-04:002019-08-20T08:45:05.058-04:00Being Mindful about How We Label Behavior - Gentle Parenting My toddler is amazing<i> and</i> he has typical toddler behavior. One of the most frustrating for my husband and I is interruption, especially while we're trying to have a conversation or figure something out. About a week ago, we handled this interruption in a way we felt was productive and even aligned with our gentle parenting philosophy, but...then a couple days later, my toddler showed me that he perceived our words differently than we intended and had internalized a label. So I want to share to show you that:<br />
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A) There's always room for us to learn and grow in our parenting journey. None of us get it right all the time.<br />
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B) We need to humble ourselves.<br />
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C) The way labels on behavior can become internalized as labels on the person.<br />
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D) How to be conscious of the labels we're using and what we can say instead in those moments of guidance.<br />
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So in that initial moment of frustration when my kiddo was interrupting, we responded with, "You're being rude. Interrupting is rude." In a way, that's right, because interrupting <i>is</i> rude. We thought we were teaching and just setting a boundary.<br />
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A couple days later, my toddler and I were walking down the stairs. We live on the top floor of our apartment, so we have to walk down three flights of stairs to get outside. I try to get us out early enough that we can walk at a natural toddler pace AKA turtle pace. But since I'm still learning good time management and life propels us to rush sometimes, I've said plenty of "Hurry up, we have to go. Focus on walking faster…" On this particular day, we weren't in a hurry. But my toddler sighed and said, "Sorry I'm going so slow. I guess I'm just rude."<br />
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"Whaaaat?" I said. "It's okay. We're not in a hurry. We can go at your pace."<br />
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"Yeah, but I'm rude," he said.<br />
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And I realized he had taken our label of his behavior as a label on himself. He was discouraged. He was believing something negative about himself because of something we'd said. So I got down to look in his eyes and say, "I'm so sorry. You're not rude. You did a rude thing, but that doesn't make you a rude person. You're always good. Sometimes I do rude things too, but I'm not a rude person. Daddy does rude things sometimes, but he's not a rude person. We're all good. You're so thoughtful, kind, amazing, okay?"<br />
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When we picked up my husband from work later that day, I told him about how our kiddo had perceived our words. The first thing he said was, "That's not what I meant." Totally normal response. A lot of people get defensive when they're confronted with something they did "wrong." But I explained we had both done it, we didn't mean it that way, but he still saw it that way and we wouldn't ever want him to think badly of himself.<br />
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When we got home, my husband picked up our kiddo, hugged him and was so intentional about repeating that he's not rude; he's always good. It was such a swoon-moment to see my husband humble himself like that and be such an intentional, thoughtful dad. It's hard to admit when we didn't handle something the right way! Owning it and apologizing takes strength.<br />
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And here's the dealio. You might not mean it "that way." But it was still perceived in that way. They didn't "take it the wrong way." Don't leave it at that. Apologize, model humility, connection, and thoughtfulness. Our kids need to see that we're listening, we care, and we believe the best about them. Sometimes that means changing the way we handle things.<br />
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So we've been more conscious about the words we use and how we label behavior. My challenge to you and to myself is to try to avoid labeling behavior altogether! Because it'll be natural for our kids to take that label onto themselves. Think about the times you've felt the weight of a negative label and how easily it sticks. Someone could say ten nice things about us, but it's the one negative thing that'll stick out to us the most. It's human nature. So let's be conscious of that human nature and try to avoid labels altogether.<br />
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Instead, I'm going to try to follow this "magic formula." When you do _______, it makes me feel_____because_____. Next time, could you please______instead.<br />
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So an example. "When you interrupt Daddy and me, it's makes me feel frustrated because it's hard for us to hear each other. Next time, can you please put your hand on my knee to signal you have something to say? That way I'll know it's your turn to talk next."<br />
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That communicates my feelings, needs, and boundaries without adding any labels. It's guidance.<br />
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So my fellow gentle parents, I know it can feel like such an uphill battle and there are all these tiny things we don't easily think about! That's okay because we're all learning, we're all overcoming our own traumas, triggers, and learned responses. As we learn, we'll mess up. But keep doing the work. Give yourself grace, give yourself healing and reflection, and pack some tools for next time. <br />
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Want to talk strategy together? Join the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1979066098980246/" target="_blank">Her Arms Are Strong closed Facebook community</a> or find more inspiration in gentle parenting, natural living, unschooling, and spirituality on <a href="http://facebook.com/herarmsarestrong" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://instagram.com/herarmsarestrong" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-24942914043510752322019-08-06T14:58:00.002-04:002019-08-06T15:04:34.966-04:002 Fundamental Reasons We've Chosen Unschooling I've wanted to write about unschooling all year long, and it's taken me a long time to bring this post into existence for a couple reasons. One, most of my friends and family send their kids to school, and I never wanted this to feel like something I think they're doing "wrong." I don't want this to feel like blame towards well-meaning teachers either. I know a lot of wonderful teachers. The parents and teachers are all doing their best, but I think everyone is believing in a system that is fundamentally broken and not serving our kids in the best way. So before you read more, this is not about the parents or teachers. It's about the system. It's about childism. And taking a look at what we can do differently for our kids. As always, take what resonates with you and trust your powerful momma intuition.<br />
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I'll highlight the shortcomings of school, the reason unschooling is healthier and more authentic, and some personal stories from me, someone who "excelled" in school but it's now unschooling her kiddo.<br />
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(Pssst...want to listen to the podcast version instead? Listen here on <a href="https://anchor.fm/her-arms-are-strong/episodes/2-Fundamental-Reasons-Weve-Chosen-Unschooling-e4s9h1" target="_blank">Anchor FM</a>, <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/3LPj4y51wGSXGP0SyeZfsF?si=RXMQ_gdFSlqmPt8EkoS6TA" target="_blank">Spotify</a>, <a href="https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-arms-are-strong/id1473698368#episodeGuid=7c505cee-f60b-ad62-9a8b-464f060c922d" target="_blank">Apple Podcast</a>, or look up Her Arms Are Strong wherever you listen to podcasts.)<br />
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Here are the two major reasons we've chosen unschooling.</span><b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Respect and Freedom</span><br />
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Respect and freedom go hand-in-hand because if you aren't giving someone freedom, are you giving them respect?<br />
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<u>School shortcoming:</u><br />
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I cringe to think of all the ways kids are disrespected and controlled in schools, and we see it as totally normal because of childism. There's hardly room for autonomy in school. Let's think about basic human needs.<br />
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Food and drink. Only allowed within specific times and with permission. But each body has unique needs.<br />
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Bathroom. Again, only at certain times and with permission, but bathroom needs are so private and can have a lot of different factors. It's degrading that kids have to ask permission to do their basic human, private business, and even then they might be denied if it's not the "right time."<br />
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Socializing. Some kids are energetically sensitive and socially introverted, and yet they're forced to be with tons of other people for seven hours straight. And we wonder why these kids are withdrawn and have so much social anxiety. They're overloaded with no relief! On the flip side, social kids are constantly being told it's not social hour. (And yet...homeschooled kids are weird because of their socialization?)<br />
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And then there's sleep and energy. We disrupt natural sleep patterns by waking them up too early, and then for the next seven hours of their day, too bad if they need a nap. Too bad if they need some down time. If they're lucky, they'll get some reading time, and if they're really lucky, that's actually what relaxes them vs drawing or playing. Or on the other end, a kid may need more physical activity but is confined to only moving during gym and recess, and then probably given a prescription because he can't sit still. <br />
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Family time. Family time is cut big time because of school. Some kids continue to have strong attachements to their parents longer than other kids, ands then that attachement is severed because they're "school age," and this causes anxiety and meltdowns and all sorts of behavior problems. And then, of course, your whole life is dictated by school hours. That time is no longer your family's time. Some schools even penalize family vacations taken during school days. (Even though traveling offers a lot of authentic learning opportunities and strengthens family bonds, which is healthier for kids...)<br />
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<u>Unschooling is better because:</u><br />
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The child gets to follow their natural needs! They can eat when they're hungry, pee when they have to pee, rest when they're tired, run when they have energy, talk when they have an idea. You can go on family outings whenever you want. Kids can detach from their parents when they're ready. There's respect. They are valued as a person who has needs and knows when and how those needs should be met.<br />
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<u>Personal stories:</u><br />
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I was that little girl with a fast metabolism who was always, always hungry because I needed to eat before "lunch time." My aching, growling belly was embarrassing and kept me from being able to focus.<br />
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I learned in fourth grade that I should stop answering questions because my enthusiasm was too much and it didn't give the other kids enough of a chance. From then on out, for the rest of my school years, I was marked down for not talking enough in class. I was also accused of cheating because I was "doing too well" on my tests. Nothing was ever good enough, and I was deemed untrustworthy just because I was a child.<br />
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I peed my pants a ton in third grade because my teacher was exasperated by us every time we asked to go to the bathroom. I was such a conditioned people-pleaser that I avoided adult displeasure at all costs, and instead just held it...until I couldn't.<br />
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In eighth grade, my period started, so I asked my male teacher if I could go to the bathroom. He said no, that I knew I should have gone before class. So I didn't. Instead I prayed my heart out that the blood at least wouldn't seep through my pants. That's the same year another male teacher made inappropriate comments about me and always pulled me too close to him. But I never asked for help because all I had learned was that students are untrustworthy, and teacher authority reigns. Nowhere leading up to this moment had I been shown that adults in school valued our individual thoughts or needs.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. True Learning</span><br />
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<u>School shortcoming:</u><br />
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Let's talk about being measured and marked according to their performance. Everyone knows that kids learn at different rates, have different intelligence strengths, and learn in different ways...and yet they're mostly taught at the same rate based on age, with a curriculum someone deemed appropriate for that age, and taught in handful of possibly limiting ways. The teachers are doing the best they can. I'm not blaming them. I just believe that fundamentally, it doesn't work out for the best interest of the kids. Because a teacher will always favor some learning styles and leave out the rest. They don't have the resources, time, or budget to individualize learning for every child. So then what about the kids who learn one way best, and that's not the way they're being taught? They get lower grades. Lower grades mean you're not smart enough or trying hard enough. Right? That must mean you're not good at learning. Or if the child does excel under the learning conditions, they're constantly praised and rewarded. They're not learning to learn,; they're learning for that praise because it validates them. And now you have two groups of kids. Both are intelligent, but only one group might believe that.<br />
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And then, the big question: Is it even real learning? Or is it short-term memorization for the sake of passing a test? And if that's the case, isn't it a giant waste of time? Same goes for homeschooling curriculum that's imposed on a child. Think about it...you remember only what interested you and then maybe a few facts you memorized to a catchy tune or rhyme.<br />
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<u>Unschooling is better because:</u><br />
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Kids learn naturally! They learn out of necessity and passion. People do it from birth. And they do it well. Think of all the things your kiddo learns from age 0-3 just because they're innate learners. But then all of a sudden, they turn three and four, and it's up to adults to "make sure" they know their colors and alphabet? And when they turn 5? Forget about it! They need adults to teach them, or they will never learn a thing. Why? Why do we believe that? What happens in that age that takes away their desire to learn? Nothing! They're still learners. And if we leave them to it, they'll still learn without school. But they'll learn authentically, deeply, and with enthusiasm because they're enjoying it. They're hungry for it. It's only when we force them to learn something they don't care about in a timeframe that doesn't suit them, that they push against it and come to see learning as a burden. When kids learn authentically, they're not memorizing facts for a gold star; they're learning <i>how</i> and <i>why</i> things work. They're getting their hands dirty and feeding curiosity. <br />
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<u>Personal story:</u><br />
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I was the "smart" kid who got to college and had a rude awakening one morning in my Women's History course. It was a course designed for juniors, and I took it as a freshmen. Our professor handed us each an advertisement from the 1920s. She said, "Tell me about this era based off your ad." My exact thoughts were: "How am I supposed to know if you haven't told me yet?" Followed by, "Holy crap. I don't know how to think for myself." I watched in horror as the rest of the class came up with brilliant answers, and then she got to me, and I floundered. I struggled in every single class that year as I figured out what actual learning was.<br />
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Our culture leads us to believe schooling is the default and the only way kids will learn. But it's not. In unschooling, kids learn what they need and want to learn just based off living real life. And because they're learning out of need and passion, the things they're learning actually stick. They're free to listen to their body needs and energetic needs, to be as close to the people they love and trust as they need to be, and to grow and learn at their own pace without being compared to others, pressured, coerced, and validated with external reward.<br />
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If this resonates with you, and you want to give unschooling a try or even just learn more about it, I encourage you to reach out. There are plenty of unschooling support groups online. There may even be a group in your physical area.<br />
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My heart is not in judgement of those who choose schooling. My heart is to show there's another way. <span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">It's an involved, creative, exciting way of life. I truly believe every child and family would benefit from this way of life.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;">Stay tuned because as my kiddo is officially preschool age, I'll be sharing more about our unschooling adventures on this blog and on social media. Follow along here:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; display: inline; float: none; font-family: "times new roman"; font-size: 16px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"><br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong" target="_blank">Facebook</a><br /><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1979066098980246/" target="_blank">closed Facebook group</a><br /><a href="http://instagram.com/herarmsarestrong" target="_blank">Instagram</a><br /><a href="http://pinterest.com/haasblog" target="_blank">Pinterest</a></span><br />
<b></b><i></i><u></u><sub></sub><sup></sup><strike></strike><br />Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-51727744738922744532018-07-03T09:21:00.000-04:002018-08-14T13:38:18.759-04:00The Shampoo Alternative for When Your Toddler Refuses Hair WashingI'm not the only mom in the world who has a strong-willed toddler when it comes to bathtime and washing hair. I know there are some frustrated mommas out there who can relate and who are looking for a solution that keeps their child's hair clean but still respects their child's no-hair-washing boundary. There are some hygiene things we just <i>have</i> to get done for the well-being of our kiddos, but I prefer to do these things as peacefully and respectfully as possible. Afterall, a big goal is to raise children with body autonomy, right? We don't want to undermine our message of body autonomy by ignoring our children's boundaries.<br />
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So what can you do when you've tried all the hair-washing tricks and nothing works<i>?</i><br />
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<span style="color: #674ea7;"><i>This post contains affiliate links. That just means you support this blog at no cost to you by clicking the links. Thanks! </i></span> <br />
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The solution:</div>
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<br />Ditch conventional hair washing. Instead, before bathtime, rub some <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00FTCE63G/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B00FTCE63G&linkCode=as2&tag=herarmsarestr-20&linkId=ad21cf7f60cbdd91ebc4ac60c18e3b2e" target="_blank">arrowroot powder</a> in your child's hair. It doesn't take much! Arrowroot powder will soak up excess oil. Then while your child plays in the bath, just run your wet hands over their hair until their hair is wet but water isn't running down their face. If your kiddo doesn't like their hair wet at all, you can skip this part, but I suggest using a <a href="https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01BUDUGEU/ref=as_li_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=9325&creativeASIN=B01BUDUGEU&linkCode=as2&tag=herarmsarestr-20&linkId=46d029a001beb8cdc1d0d0bbbaa1c674" target="_blank">boar bristle brush</a> to brush the arrowroot powder out of their hair so they don't look powdery.</div>
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(Note: my child is white. I'm not sure if this will work the same on black hair, so if anyone tries this with black hair, please let me know!)</div>
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Plus, this is a win on a whole other level too because it's all-natural and only one ingredient so you can feel good knowing your child isn't soaking up any shady ingredients found in conventional shampoo. </div>
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There you have it! [EDITED TO ADD: This is all I've been using on my own hair too, and my hair feels and looks better than ever.)</div>
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My two-year-old hated having his hair washed because he'd always get water and shampoo in his eyes. Bathtime was a struggle and something I avoided for as long as possible (We Americans bath too much anyway, right?), and his hair would get so oily. But since using arrowroot powder, he doesn't fight bathtime, and he comes out of it with beautiful clean hair. </div>
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Do you have any peaceful hair-washing tips? Share with me in the comments or let me know how this trick worked for you. If you found this post helpful, please pin and share it!<br />
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Related post: <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2018/03/how-to-peacefully-get-boogies-out-of.html" target="_blank">How to Peacefully Get Boogies Out of Your Toddler's Nose</a> <br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-49160943257426057642018-06-24T15:16:00.000-04:002018-08-14T13:49:08.879-04:004 Reasons Breastfeeding with Boundaries Teaches Toddlers ConsentBreastfeeding has turned out to be a fantastic tool for teaching my toddler about body autonomy, boundaries, and consent.<br />
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Honestly, it took me two years of breastfeeding to get to the point where I wasn't down with demand feeding. I never expected to feel ambivalent about breastfeeding since <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/breastfeeding-isn-always-hard.html" target="_blank">I totally loved it from the start</a>. On one hand, I still love it. On the other hand, I NEED SOME SPACE. Since both my toddler and I want to continue breastfeeding, I knew we needed to set boundaries so our breastfeeding relationship could continue to be a mutually positive experience.<br />
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Without clear boundaries in place, it's easy for momma to feel like nothing more than a touched out pair of milkies on tap. Resentment builds. And the lack of boundaries isn't healthy for the child either because they need to learn as soon as possible that every person is in charge of their own body. This not only helps children respect other people, but it empowers them and keeps them safe from potential abusers. <br />
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Here are four reasons breastfeeding is the ultimate tool for teaching toddlers consent.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. "I WANT MILKIES!"</span><br />
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Toddlerhood is an important time for gaining a sense of self and independence. Toddlers suddenly realize they have their own mind, body, and feelings. Mix that with the inability to delay gratification or regulate emotions, and that's why they really really (extra) <i>really</i> want they things they want and aren't afraid to express that with gusto. What an opportunity to gently explain that no matter how much we want something, if it involves another person's body, and that person says no, no means no. Boys and girls both need to learn this important life lesson. <span style="font-size: small;">I'll say,</span> "I'm happy to share my body with you, but milkies are part of my body, so if I say no, you need to respect that. We can have milkies later." <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Strong possessive feelings. </span><br />
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This lesson can be taught with hugs, kisses, personal space, etc. too, but a child who literally grows on the breast feels a special attachment to the breast even to the point of feeling territorial and possessive over them. Because of that strong attachment, the message of respecting boundaries is so much clearer. Empathize with those big feelings, but make a clear boundary. <span style="font-size: large;"><span style="font-size: small;">I'll say,</span> </span>"I can see you really want milkies. I understand how hard it is when you can't have what you want. Right now, my boundary is no milkies. It's okay to feel sad about that." <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Toddlers form their own boundaries. </span> <br />
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You can use those boundaries to form connections and understanding. For example, my toddler doesn't like it when I brush his hair. So since tangled hair isn't life or death, I let it go as long as possible and <span style="font-size: small;">I'll say</span>, "You don't want me to brush your hair. That's your boundary. I respect your boundary, so I won't brush your hair." And then later if I need some space from breastfeeding, I'll say, "I don't want to do milkies right now. That's my boundary, and I need you to respect it." See, the language is the same. He can empathize and understand because he's felt the same way even if it's a different boundary. Teach respect by respecting. <br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Blossoming communication.</span><br />
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Whether your child signs or speaks, communication explodes in the toddler years! There are so many ways to express the want and need for milkies too. For my son, he leans down toward my breast and smacks his lips together like he wants to eat. It's funny and unconventional, but hey...communication is communication. That's his way of asking and waiting for my okay. There are plenty of times he still tries to just yank down my shirt, but I always stop him and<span style="font-size: large;"> <span style="font-size: small;">say</span></span>, "You need to ask first before you share my body." Asking permission to share another person's body is consent, and that's something they need to learn and use their whole life. <br />
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You don't need to feign boundaries to teach these lessons. If you want to breastfeed on demand, do it. If you want some space, you have the right to your own space. You're a mom who makes precious milkies for your little one; you're not a milk machine. Your breastfeeding relationship is just that...a relationship (and a fantastic teaching tool).<br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/05/breastfeeding-without-cover-doesnt.html" target="_blank">Read here why breastfeeding without a cover fights rape culture and objectification of women,</a><br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-28900816685052064292018-03-30T08:38:00.000-04:002018-08-14T13:50:46.654-04:00I'm Not an Instagram-Worthy Mom or WifeI'm not an instagram-worthy mom or wife.<br />
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In this picture, I'm wearing the same comfy shirt I've worn to bed all week, no bra, and my hair is a mess because I slept on it wet. My kitchen is a disaster because I blinked. And the filter is called My-Tiny-Apartment-Kitchen-Has-Florescent-Lights-That-Flicker.<br />
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I stopped trying to venture out into the winter wonderland halfway through winter because I just can't be cold anymore. I missed taking my son sledding again, which makes me feel pretty crummy. I'm holding my breath for spring and just shaved my legs for the first time in like two months. And to be honest, I only did it because I could feel the breeze move through my hair as I walked.<br />
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My carpet has a squished strawberry in it that's so old it's practically part of the family. Because if I choose to spend my child's short independent play time cleaning up weird food squished in my carpet, there go the dishes again, and I can't breathe. Sigh. My home will never be an instagram-worthy home.<br />
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I have days where I don't make sure my tank is full, so I sputter along on fumes and lash out at my family. Instead of getting "the best of me," they get "what's left of me."<br />
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But THANK YOU GOD, I don't have to be instagram-worthy. My worth doesn't depend on how I look, how my home looks, on my bad days, my good days, the ways I don't measure up, or even the ways I excel. My worth comes from only one thing: that Jesus loved me so much, He died for me and rose again. Jesus lives and has given me an abundant life! His grace covers everything, and if He walked into my home, He'd look around and say, "Hi, love. What squished strawberry?"<br />
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<br />Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-27249461601031571922017-12-17T13:50:00.000-05:002018-08-14T13:58:10.276-04:00How to Include Toddlers in Family GamesOur family is HUGE on games. Our go-to for any family get-together activity is a board game or card game. We could play all day, laughing and yelling and really getting into good-natured competition.<br />
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And then came the first baby...<br />
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We could get away with playing games when my son, M, was a little baby, content with milkies and cuddles. But when he became more aware and curious about his surroundings, he was a destructive force during these game days. Plus, I felt bad that we were doing something the whole family, except for my little dude, could enjoy. He just wants to be included. And we want to include him!<br />
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Some games flat out won't work out with a toddler in the room. Do your game pieces need to maneuver the board safely? Forget about it. There's no hope. Retire that bad boy for another time a few years from now.<br />
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But if you have a game with some elasticity to the rules and gameplay, I encourage you to find a way to include the littlest members of your family. After all, family is family no matter the age, so family games should include everyone who wants to play. This will give your kids a strong sense of family and belonging.<br />
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To give you an example, Uno is one of our family favorites. My brother has like five versions of the game that we mash together to make a crazy, unpredictable game of Uno. One day this past summer, we played giant uno outside. M kept taking cards from each of us and handing them to other people. At first, we were like, "Well this isn't going to work. How are we supposed to play?" Then it dawned on me...<br />
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My kiddo could be the ULTIMATE WILD CARD. So basically whatever Ultimate Wild Card does, you go with it. If he takes some of your cards and gifts them to another player, awesome. If he steals some cards off the pile and hands them to you, too bad for you. We played the rest of the game this way. All of us, including my toddler, were laughing and having a great time.<br />
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Apply this Ultimate Wild Card principal to any game where you can bend the rules and add random fortune or misfortune. Be flexible, have fun, and remember that the time spent together is more important than playing the game "right."<br />
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If you try the Ultimate Wild Card method, leave a comment to let me know what you did and how it went! Need some inspiration? Leave a comment with the game you'd like to play, and I'll help come up with ways to include your toddler.<br />
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For more gentle parenting, crunchy-living, and faith inspiration, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">"like" Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook!</a>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-27169008648137581292017-10-15T15:40:00.000-04:002018-08-15T15:06:04.025-04:00Alternative to Forced Sharing that Respects Your ChildI was in our church nursery today and decided to try something. Two kids were having a disagreement about who should get to play with a key. First of all, I heard them out, and they had totally valid concerns. See, the key went to the car that Kid A was riding, so she felt she needed the key to drive. Kid B felt he should get to play with the key because he had it first. They both wanted me to step in and say they should get the key. Kid A asked me to "make him share."<br />
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And then maybe it was because I was tired and didn't feel like playing referee, but my answer surprised them both.<br />
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I said, "To be honest, I don't really believe in making someone share. You probably don't hear a lot of grownups say that, do you?"<br />
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They both blinked at me.<br />
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I blinked back. Because, really, I didn't know how this was going to go. I've been playing the sharing game because that's what you do because that's what all the parents do because you don't want your kid to be the entitled jerk who won't share.<br />
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As much as I think the word "entitlement" gets thrown around a little too much when we talk about young generations, let's think about this for a minute. Who is likely to feel more entitled in a forced sharing scenario? The kid who is being forced to share or the kid who gets the toy that another kid has for...what reason again? Oh, so your kid will learn to share. Except, does forced sharing actually teach anything? Or does it just cause frustration and resentment between friends and between child and parent? Because really, when we force sharing, aren't we actually showing our child that the other child's wants are more important than theirs?<br />
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These were my thoughts during all the blinking going on between the nursery kids and me.<br />
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I broke the bewildered silence first. "Okay, I'm not going to make him share. When he's done playing with it, you can have it. While you're waiting, you can play."<br />
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Kid B bounced away with the key. Kid A hung her head. I sympathized. "You feel sad that you don't get the key. I understand."<br />
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Then I stepped back to watch how this would play out because I had no idea. Kid B started playing with another toy and was only holding the key in his hand, not playing with it. Kid A pointed this out. So then I asked Kid B if he could let Kid A have the key since he wasn't actually playing with it. I don't know if that was the right move or not, but it worked out. He agreed and handed over the key.<br />
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And then he realized he wanted it back. So he asked Kid A if he could play with it again. She said he could when she was done. Kid B said, "I'm mad."<br />
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"You're mad." I said. You know, validating.<br />
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"Yeah, I'm mad because I want to play with it but I have to wait."<br />
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I said, "I glad you told us how you feel. I understand. I get mad sometimes too. It helps to say when you're mad, doesn't it."<br />
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"Yeah." And then he kept playing.<br />
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And not even five minutes later, Kid A gave Kid B the key. And that was the end.<br />
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So let's recap the highlights.<br />
-Emotions were named and validated with both kids. <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/06/my-toddler-me-and-lesson-i-learned-from.html" target="_blank">Emotional intelligence is important.</a><br />
-They learned to hear and value each other.<br />
-We talked out solutions, giving them the opportunity to think critically and creatively.<br />
-They learned how to wait. Super important in a culture full of instant gratification.<br />
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I couldn't believe how well it went! Probably because, like I said, I've been playing the sharing game. And in the sharing game, kids just get frustrated and parents are constantly playing referee instead of guiding. Forced sharing isn't productive. This alternate approach takes some effort and creativity on everyone's part, but that's what this parenting gig takes, right? Just <i>wait your turn</i> to try this out.<br />
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Related post: <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/01/this-is-what-gentle-parenting-shows-my.html" target="_blank">This is What Gentle Parenting Shows My Child</a><br />
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<i>If you found this helpful or encouraging, please pin! Follow <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook</a> for more about crunchy living, gentle parenting, and faith inspiration.</i>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-19813308893886358792017-09-12T14:19:00.001-04:002018-08-14T14:02:23.641-04:00Mom Guilt is a Butcher <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Mom Guilt is a masked robber.<br />
The mask says, "I'm here to make you better! You can do this mom thing better than that. I'll help you."<br />
But behind the mask is a liar.<br />
Behind the masks is a stream of, "You're not good enough. The other moms are better. Your kids are going to pay for your mistakes." While you're distracted, she robs your joy.<br />
<br />
Mom Guilt is a butcher.<br />
Mom Guilt says, "Let's dissect what you did. That yelling? Awful. Why can't you be more calm? You circumcised your baby? You should have known better. Why didn't you research?"<br />
But the butcher kills.<br />
Mom Guilt places peace on the table and slices through it with a knife. Scraps are all that's left.<br />
<br />
Mom Guilt is a snake oil saleswoman in a cheap suit.<br />
Mom Guilt has a briefcase full of brochures. Account after account of your wrongs. Take a seat while she sells you despair and hopelessness. It only costs your heart. And don't worry, dear, it's all in the name of doing better, being better....better better better than you are.<br />
<br />
Shine light on the robber.<br />
When the butcher comes for you, wield the double-edged sword.<br />
Shut the door in the saleswoman's face. She has nothing good to offer you.<br />
<br />
You are a human being. Flawed but redeemed. Learning but favored. Falling but saved.<br />
You are a mom. Sometimes you yell. Sometimes you choose wrong. But all the time, you are your children's world. "Learn better, do better?" Sure. But above that, give yourself grace. Drink grace. Bath in fragrant grace. Give grace like God gives breath to each day. Like He gives grace to you right where you stand.<br />
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
"Three times, I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But He said to me,'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." 2 Corinthians 12:8-9</blockquote>
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Want more encouragement for crunchy living, gentle parenting, and Christian faith? Follow <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook</a> and join <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/1979066098980246/" target="_blank">the closed Facebook group.</a><br />
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Related posts:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/12/forgiving-myself-for-my-sons.html" target="_blank">Forgiving Myself for My Son's Circumcision</a><br />
<br />
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/10/i-regret-my-sons-circumcision.html" target="_blank">I Regret My Son's Circumcision</a><br />
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<br />Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-40851505840126826882017-08-21T13:58:00.000-04:002018-08-14T14:03:49.794-04:00Natural Birth StoryFinally, after a year and a half, I've finished writing M's birth story.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">When</span><br />
<br />
M's due date was February 4, and he was born February 6.<br />
<br />
That morning, after a week of freaking out, afraid I'd have to be induced for going over, I finally surrendered to my body's timing, M's timing, and God's timing. My husband, Gary, offered to shop with me at Joann Fabrics (and he hates that store, God bless him) for some craft supplies so I'd have something to do to keep my mind off the timing of everything. After we went shopping, we returned home, and I was sorting through some beads when labor struck!<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">First real contraction</span><br />
<br />
For some reason, I thought I'd be a unicorn who wouldn't have labor pains and wouldn't know I was in labor until my baby's head was poking out. Crazy, right? My dreams of a unicorn birth crashed with that first exciting contraction. It was a deep, DEEP ache I had never felt before. I had already been dilated to 3cm for a month, and I don't know if that helped with the speed of things, but my contractions got to 5 minutes apart or less right away. Bloody show happened, and I called my family so they could meet us. Eeeh!! While we waited for my family, I took a shower so I would be fresh. Contractions got really freakin' real in the shower. So real that I threw up after getting out and told Gary I needed help standing and walking.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">At the hospital</span><br />
<br />
When we got to the hospital, they checked everything. All looked good, and I was dilated to 6cm, so they admitted me. Yes! I passed out my natural birth plan, which requested that they not even offer me an epidural or any pain meds, and I got right in the tub to help with the pain. I had been nervous about being naked in front of nurses and my birth team (Gary, my mom, and my sister), but labor became my one and only focus, so I announced, "I don't care if you all see me naked!" All thoughts of modesty were so far gone.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Our "this is it" moment</span><br />
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Gary and I had some time to ourselves. He massaged me in the tub, and this is where we had that big moment that rocks your universe and makes you go "whoa." By the end of the day, our boy would be born, and our lives would never be the same.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">A drop in heart rate</span><br />
<br />
M's heart rate dropped a little bit, so the nurses made me get out of the tub and into the bed so we could get hooked up for monitoring. Which I didn't want, but I was okay with it and going with the flow. I just wanted M to be safe. His heart rate went back to normal, so they thought the tub was the cause and didn't let me go back in. Now I was SO COLD and trying to relax through the shivers.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">The calm</span><br />
<br />
Through the contractions, I closed my eyes and focused on breathing and keeping my body relaxed. Every nurses who came in made me feel like such a rock star because they were all amazed at my self control. My birth support team helped a lot with massages and encouragement.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Phase two: OWWWW FREAKIN' OW</span><br />
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At 8cm, the contractions got more intense and my self control and calm started to fade. I told my team I didn't think I could do it. It had been 8 hours of labor, and my water hadn't broken. My OB offered to break my water and told me that it would speed things up and had no risks (which I now know isn't true), so I agreed. This was the least natural part of my birth. She broke my water and within 20 minutes, my body started pushing on its own! They told me to stop because I was only dilated to 9cm, but I had no control over it. So they helped my cervix dilate to 10cm, and it was time to push.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Delivery</span><br />
<br />
I wanted to give birth in a squatting position, but my OB said I had to be on my back. I went with it because I honestly didn't feel like I could move into the squatting position anyway. Gary and my mom held my feet while my sister stayed by my side. It was about twenty minutes of pushing with the contractions when they said they could see his hair! A couple more pushes and he was out.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My sweet, beautiful boy</span><br />
<br />
They laid his slimy, wiggly little body on my stomach. I held him, so afraid I would break him, and said, "My sweetheart, my sweetheart..." He was born at 10:05 PM with red hair like me, 7lbs 6oz, 19 inches. With fuzzy little shoulders. He was perfect and finally here.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Breastfeeding</span><br />
<br />
I wanted to give M the time to initiate breastfeeding on his own with the breast crawl, but the nurses helped position him instead while we were skin-to-skin, and I went along with it because I was distracted and excited by my baby. He latched right on! A natural.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Just the three of us</span><br />
<br />
Gary and I had an hour of alone time with M, cuddling him, soaking up this beautiful change in our lives before we introduced him to the rest of the family. It filled my heart to see Gary and everyone else in our family hold him for the first time. There was so much love.<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My favorite moment </span><br />
<br />
Every time a baby is born, the mom gets to ring a bell that plays a nursery rhyme chime through the whole hospital. Since M was born so late at night, they told me I would have to wait until morning. We didn't actually get the chance until we checked out of the hospital. The nurse wheeled us to the bell. I snuggled M close and pushed the button. The chime announced to everyone the arrival of my baby boy, and that was my sob-happy-tears-because-my-dream-has-finally-come-true moment.<br />
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I would love to hear your birth story! Feel free to share in the comments.Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-50356933579181318872017-08-13T13:58:00.000-04:002018-08-14T14:04:40.482-04:00Infertility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
Infertility makes me irrational.<br />
<br />
Last time a friend announced her pregnancy, I was nothing but genuinely happy. Now for some reason, another friend just announced and I got that stabby jealous feeling. We're not even trying for baby #2 yet. If ever. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUf9YBFDeag8u8Eb_JbDutLSPtu7kHF8Hq2_asBV8_ZCBG-m2cXogpcr8ukE_4xHZRLNtOg48OvjEbYaLZMluMJw0rGjn9p0UmEGRF5Z3fiEkV7XIDthCU_3wH8QYJZpegBG72AGLanGa/s1600/Logo_1502562758444.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsUf9YBFDeag8u8Eb_JbDutLSPtu7kHF8Hq2_asBV8_ZCBG-m2cXogpcr8ukE_4xHZRLNtOg48OvjEbYaLZMluMJw0rGjn9p0UmEGRF5Z3fiEkV7XIDthCU_3wH8QYJZpegBG72AGLanGa/s1600/Logo_1502562758444.jpg" /></a></div>
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Infertility isolates me.<br />
<br />
I want to talk about my feelings with my infertile/angel mommy friends because I know they would understand, but at the same time...at least I have a living child. So maybe they wouldn't want to hear it. Other people don't understand what it's like, though. I have no one to talk to.<br />
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Infertility makes me angry.<br />
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Angry at whatever in the world caused me not to ovulate all those months. Angry at a world that poisons our bodies, robs wombs, ransacks dreams. Angry that people say, "All in God's timing..." when God doesn't cause the pain of infertility.<br />
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Infertility makes me afraid.<br />
<br />
What if it happens again? It was so hard last time. I'm afraid to hope it can be different. Can I walk with my husband through the fire again? I'm afraid of getting burned.<br />
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But most of all...infertility does not define me.<br />
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In fact, I reject infertility. The name of Jesus is higher than the name of infertility. I'm heir to HIS promises. I will not let jealousy or fear cloud my eyes. No, my eyes are placed firmly on the One my soul trusts, my Healer. I'm allowed to have a very human moment of jealously, sadness, fear, and anger. But I refuse to stay in that place and let infertility take up more space in my body, mind, or soul.<br />
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Infertility is defeated.<br />
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Related posts:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/06/prayer-of-comfort-for-infertile-and.html" target="_blank">Prayer of Comfort for the Infertile and Mother of Angels</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/when-back-to-school-is-hard.html" target="_blank">When Back to School is Hard</a>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-37716580864913958482017-08-09T10:44:00.000-04:002018-08-14T14:05:20.614-04:00Why Parents Should Read YA NovelsMaybe this comes easily to me because I've still never grown out of YA Novels into preferring adult novels, but I think parents should read YA novels. For one thing, reading what your kids read is a great way to connect. But even more important than having something in common is the empathy you'll feel for what it's like to be a teenager (because let's be real...it was much longer ago than it feels) and the insight into how teens are affected by their parents.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sarahtiptonbooks.com/about-me/" target="_blank">Sarah Tipton</a> offers a chance to foster this empathy and insight through her tension-packed Christian YA novel, <a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KKMA1BK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1" target="_blank">Betrayal of the Band</a>.<br />
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<br />
Here's the book blurb from Amazon:<br />
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<span style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: "amazon ember" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px; font-weight: 700;">"Three friends. One summer. Countless consequences.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "amazon ember" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Lured away by a college band promising more singing exposure, ambitious high school senior, Zoey Harris, abandons her boyfriend, her band, and her values. </span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "amazon ember" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Justin Conrad is determined not to make the mistakes his dad made that nearly tore their family apart, so he will support Zoey's every decision--even if he knows it's the worst decision for her and for him.</span><br />
<br style="background-color: white; box-sizing: border-box; color: #111111; font-family: "Amazon Ember", Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px;" />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "amazon ember" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">Being a drummer is all Sawyer Mahon has. When Zoey abandons them, Sawyer sees his future fading faster than the crash of cymbals. After all, what good is a drummer without a band? </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #111111; font-family: "amazon ember" , "arial" , sans-serif; font-size: 15px;">But after one wrong kiss, more than just the future of their band is destroyed. Can Zoey, Justin, Sawyer, and their band survive betrayal?"</span><br />
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Zoey, Justin, and Sawyer are each authentic teens with depth and flaws who face tough choices. There were so many times I wanted to yell at the characters, "NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT." That's the mom in me who wants to shield these characters from pain. Haha. But at the same time, I get it. Their mistakes make sense. I understand them. Because I'm a person who has made mistakes too. YA novels help us move outside of that parenting tunnel vision we can get, where were tempted to let our thoughts be 100% "NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP IT." YA books expand our vision and remind us that behind the mistakes are real, complex people with their own desires, feelings, and struggles. Then we can approach our kids with understanding and grace in those situations where they make choices we aren't thrilled with.<br />
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In Betrayal of the Band, Tipton also does a fantastic job of including the parents and home life as a part of what shapes the characters.<br />
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Zoey wants so badly to honor her mom's memory, that she's feels responsible for making choices that will make her mom proud. That's a tall order for anyone. Where do her own desires and needs fit? Can anyone effectively live their own life if they have this pressure to make someone proud?<br />
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Justin has overprotective, strict parents and sees his mom as a hypocrite. It's interesting to explore whether this straight-and-narrow character is a product of his strict upbringing, and whether or not that perfection is more than skin-deep when crap hits the fan.<br />
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Sawyer is raised by his single mom and doesn't know his dad. The relationship between Sawyer and his mom is my favorite relationship in the entire book because they're so real with each other. I could gush about these two all day. But as great as the relationship with his mom is, he has some demons in regard to his absent dad.<br />
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The nature vs nurture debate is always interesting, and I believe both nature and nurture shape a person. Parents have a lot of influence. And I bet each of us could use a little more empathy and connection no matter what age our children are.<br />
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Do you read YA as an adult? Have any YA novels given you insight into the teen/parent relationship? Tell me about it!<br />
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Want to read Betrayal of the Band by Sarah Tipton? Here are some helpful links:<br />
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<a href="https://www.amazon.com/dp/B01KKMA1BK/ref=dp-kindle-redirect?_encoding=UTF8&btkr=1" target="_blank">Amazon</a><br />
Hard copy is out! Digital download is available for preorder and drops August 11.<br />
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<a href="http://www.sarahtiptonbooks.com/" target="_blank">sarahtiptonbooks.com</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/SarahTiptonBooks/" target="_blank">Facebook page</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/868705336610713/" target="_blank">Facebook group</a><br />
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<a href="https://www.instagram.com/sarahtiptonbooks/" target="_blank">Instagram</a><br />
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Twitter: @TiptonSarah<br />
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About the author:<br />
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Sarah Tipton shares Alaska with her characters, where she lives with her family, including some adorable pups. She's a homeschooler extraordinaire and crochets when she's not running, spending time with her family, and daydreaming plots.<br />
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Visit <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook</a> for more content on crunchy living, gentle parenting, and faith-filled motherhood.<br />
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<br />Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-45071188584256010932017-07-31T23:38:00.000-04:002018-08-14T14:07:03.231-04:00Breastfeeding Advice from Moms Like YouI love breastfeeding so much, I'm excited to kick off World Breastfeeding Week 2017 (August 1-7) by offering a partnered giveaway with other crunchy mommy bloggers! I also asked <strike>regular</strike> super moms like YOU for their best breastfeeding advice for first-time breastfeeders. Check out these nuggets of breastfeeding wisdom from real moms who have struggled, persevered, overcome, breastfed, and know what they're talking about. And be sure to enter the giveaway! [THE GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.]<br />
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"My biggest advice is to find and build a support system before baby is born. A good breastfeeding support group like La Leche League can work wonders when troubles arise." - Courtney<br />
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"Nothing in life comes easy, but in the end it's worth it. The same goes with breastfeeding. It's a journey of ups and downs. It creates strong bonds and gives your baby whatever they need. There's times where you'll love it and other times, you may hate it. That's perfectly okay. Ride it out, the first three weeks are the hardest. This is a journey you'll never ever regret or forget." - Jasmine<br />
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"I would probably tell new moms to be careful who they listen to. Double check the advice given to you with an evidence-based source. So much bad advice is given. La Leche League is a great resource." - Caitlin<br />
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"First of all, breastfeed without fear. When it's 3am and you're up again nursing your baby, remember it goes so fast, cherish those moments. When you're in the middle of a nursing session, put your phone down, enjoy the moment. When you feel like giving up, remember why you started. Breastfeeding is so hard, but it's the most amazing bond I've ever shared with anyone. Don't give up, ask for help if you are struggling, it takes a village.. seriously! And lastly, it's going to be hard at first, but I promise it's all worth it. 💚 #breastfeedwithoutfear Oh and, trust your body!!" - Cheyenne<br />
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"2 weeks. Give it 2 weeks. It will get easier! You can do this! Take a breastfeeding class before your baby arrives, you will not regret it!" - Jaime<br />
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"Don't listen to your doctor when you're told to supplement or stop breastfeeding due to 'insufficient' weight gain. Seek the support of breastfeeding experts instead (because doctors aren't). Like le leche league.<br />
Also, don't get discouraged if you feel you aren't producing enough. Odds are, you are! Seek the help of an expert." - Syn<br />
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"Best advice is take a babymoon and enjoy those oxytocin vibes. Snuggle up with that baby for the first few weeks to a month. Lots of skin to skin. Keep baby at breast as much as you can. Their suckling will help your body with a good supply. Feed on demand and use earth mama nipple butter after every single feed for the first while until your nipples get used to the feedings. Drink lots of water and enjoy every minute of this amazingly beautiful bond with your baby. Remember the days are long but the years are short and with breastfeeding your sweet little nursling you're giving them the very best in life. ✨💛 Trust your body. You got this, mamas." - Kelly<br />
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"Enjoy every minute. I am still nursing at 31 months and it was my very first time bf. My older 2 (16,14 years old) I didn't bf. I didn't realize the importance and bond that bf is and creates.<br />
So I set goals for 6 months, then a year, then I was like when he's ready we will be done so here we are. He nurses now about 3 times a day and I know he could self wean anytime so I'm preparing myself for that with this being our last child. The advice I would give that was given to me by my nurse on L&D and I have never had a problem at all was to go bra-less as much as possible especially when you are leaking a lot air helps prevent yeast they said, also wear loose bras don't wear them tight. Also I nursed on demand and sometimes in the beginning it was hard, but it quickly became easier the older he got. Lots of times I slept without a shirt on just to make sure they had enough air so I am very grateful that my nurse told me these things. Also I always used my sons organic soap to wash his bottles 😉 with because it was so gentle, non drying and then he would have the smell of his baby wash when he nursed. And last thing is I was very careful about the deodorant I used. Only organic. So I hope that helps someone enjoy this special time as a mom! ❤️" - Carol<br />
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"Something my doctor at the hospital said-<br />
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"The beginning is the hardest part. He said, 'Breastfeed for 2 weeks. If you still feel like quitting, then quit. Most moms who WANT to breastfeed will make it to their goal as long as they make it to two weeks.'" - Ali<br />
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"Despite what they say the first week does hurt. Baby and mom are figuring it out together. But the bond is incredible." - Aubrey<br />
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"Don't give yourself the option to fail." - Misty<br />
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"Do not let ANY doctor tell you to<br />
supplement. Immediately ask for a lactation consultant (my hospital had it free and they came and visited a few times)." - Caitlin<br />
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"Check for lip and tongue ties.<br />
Remember that their stomachs don't hold much so frequent and small amounts are what they need." - Manda<br />
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"Breast feeding doesn't come natural to everyone. It can be difficult when 'it's all on you.' It can and usually does hurt for a bit until you fiqure it out, together. Nursing strikes are real, sometimes babies cry for other reasons then hunger, if baby is growing and wetting diapers you are making enough. Rest. The dishes will get done, the bed will get made, the laundry will get washed...eventually. Breath, rest and feed your baby. It will all be done before you know it. The bond is incredible and when it's over you WILL miss it and you will be so thankfully you did it, for your baby and for yourself." - Stacy<br />
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"Only 1 in 10 000 women physically can't produce enough milk for their baby. Babies cry. It doesn't necessarily mean you don't have enough milk. And if you do supplement, you can go back to full time breastfeeding later. Anything is possible if it's what you truly want." - Lana<br />
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"Education and support are two of the most important things that make breastfeeding successful." - Diana<br />
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"Don't be afraid to supplement if you feel you need to, for whatever reason, if I hadn't I wouldn't be as present of a mom. Ppd can creep in quickly.when you are struggling to breastfeed, don't be afraid to reach out for help even if it means you have to give formula to get that help." - Kayla<br />
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"Don't watch the clock! Feed on demand. Your letdown may feel like pins & needles. Cabbage leaves are great for engorgement but don't use more than once. Be prepared for a letdown and a puddle at your feet. ;)" - Rhiannon<br />
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"You can NEVER drink too much water! One thing I learned super fast was to have a water bottle in my hand at ALL TIMES everywhere! Also, never forget your leak pads! You think you won't need them, but you will!!" - Natasha<br />
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"Breastfeeding is hard! It may be natural but that does not mean it comes easily! By the time I had my fourth I had breastfed a combined total of 3 years and 1 month and I still had problems in the beginning with my 4th. Like to the point of tears. Stay determined and you will get there!" - Kati<br />
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"As a FTM I had this idealized vision of what BF would be like. I wish the following was shared:<br />
1- Nipple Cream is essential and also have nipple shields on hand - your nipples are going from virtually untouched to being latched on/sucked on multiple times a day/night<br />
2 - You will be feeding your LO around the clock - so in a 24hr day, you can expect to be feeding roughly every 2hrs in a day/night.<br />
3- Invest in a good breast pump. My first was terrible - I splurged and got the Medela Freestyle with the handsfree pumping bra - life changing.<br />
4- Invest in slow flow bottles with nipples made for BF babies - have your partner do at least one feeding a day for you so you get a break. Do pace feeding so baby doesn't get flow confusion.<br />
5- Drink tons of water daily and eat a snack every time you pump: A granola bar, a piece of fruit, trail mix, sliced veggies etc - any snack works to keep you from feeling drained.<br />
6- Freeze at least 5/6 bags of breast milk for future use in baby's first year (in case you are no longer breastfeeding) for that first fever, bad cold, etc.<br />
7- Prepare yourself mentally: BF is challenging, especially in the first 4-6weeks until you and baby find your rhythm.<br />
8- Take good care of yourself. Happy, healthy babies have healthy moms." - Jill<br />
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"Even if you feel like you have the energy or desire to leave the house, sequester yourself for about 2 weeks at home and focus on learning to BF. Leaving home makes BF difficult. Your baby may sleep the whole time, causing you engorgement problems, and nursing in public is awkward during those first days of learning for both mom and baby!<br />
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"Have a head of cabbage in your fridge! Put a leaf in your bra to reduce engorgement if you find yourself suffering from melon size-and-hardness boobs." - Sarah<br />
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"Make an appointment with a lactation consultant if you're having trouble, reach out! You're not failing anyone (including yourself) by asking for help. This is new. You just gave birth, it's ok to ask for help!<br />
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"Definitely find a fairly large water bottle you love seeing...it's going to be your best friend. 😊<br />
Also, healthy snacks on your side table by your cozy La-Z-boy chair. Put your feet up, try to enjoy the sitting around. (Once the kids get to being mobile, they never stop lol.)<br />
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"I wished I would have known about this gadget when he's eating on one side and I'm leaking precious (gold) milk on the other. Milk catcher. Also good for hand pumping when your milk let down is too hard for baby. Or when he just wants 'the good stuff' and not the thirsty milk. (Thirsty milk comes before the hind milk...not sure of a better way to put it.)" - Jessica<br />
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"If you are struggling, there is help! The percentage of women who actually *CAN'T* breastfeed is extremely low. If there is a problem, there is help. Talk with someone at a local La Leche League (there is one near you, I promise). Talk to an IBCLC not just a 'lactation consultant.'<br />
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"Also, lip ties and tounge ties are a real thing that can cause real problems. If you have a painful latch, seek help please! Its not meant to hurt!<br />
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"Breastfeeding is never something to feel shameful about, regardless of what others say. Know your rights! It is your right to feed your baby, covered, uncovered, standing on your head, whatever makes you and baby happy! Breastfeeding women are specifically exempt from being charged with any sort of indecent exposure etc. in all of the U.S. (Unless you live in Idaho...come on Idaho, get it together!) And there are only 2 other states that don't specifically have laws that protect public breastfeeding. Basically, feed your baby and don't worry about who you may offend! ❤❤" - Becca<br />
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"Dont fear what others think or the looks you may get while out in public. Know your rights. Block everything out an imagine it's just you and your baby." - Tameka<br />
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Now for the exciting giveaway! [GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED.] One beautiful momma will win the ultimate prize package of:<br />
-Kiinde breastmilk storage system<br />
-Evenflo breast milk bag adapters<br />
-2 NursElets<br />
-A.M. lunchbox/ bottle cooler<br />
-Earth Mama Angel Baby Natural Nipple Butter<br />
-2 pro BFing infant shirts<br />
-and a $25 Amazon gift card!<br />
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THE GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED. Thanks to everyone who participated! Click on this link to see if you won! </div>
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Related posts:<br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/05/breastfeeding-without-cover-doesnt.html" target="_blank">Breastfeeding Without a Cover Doesn't Compromise My Modesty</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/10-ways-to-celebrate-world.html" target="_blank">10 Ways to Celebrate World Breastfeeding Week</a>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com22tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-1867166612188937732017-07-19T12:55:00.001-04:002018-08-19T16:42:29.431-04:00How a Hope Onesie Helped Me Push through Infertility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0G8SiLFCel_n82L8gaWU4DUv-F-klFF9seggQ1ukBuG_o5aueo5YCO7IV-6HBaN9GbnJNlSHhCvGZxO-PpkBssYqkI80ggzXmFH8G63Gau-ypqnDvb0z4TsgXIm_W0vx6qUixLKy8F_Dq/s1600/How+a+Hope+Onesie+Helped+Me+Push+Through+Infertility.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0G8SiLFCel_n82L8gaWU4DUv-F-klFF9seggQ1ukBuG_o5aueo5YCO7IV-6HBaN9GbnJNlSHhCvGZxO-PpkBssYqkI80ggzXmFH8G63Gau-ypqnDvb0z4TsgXIm_W0vx6qUixLKy8F_Dq/s1600/How+a+Hope+Onesie+Helped+Me+Push+Through+Infertility.png" /></a></div>
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As I write this post, 17-month-old M is napping in my arms. I'm having one of those moments where I just gaze at his innocent little face and tear up because he's my dream come true. A dream I almost stopped hoping for month after infertile month when the pain of not conceiving felt like too much. It hurt to hope only to be crushed by the weight of monthly disappointment.<br />
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But I'm glad I held onto hope because he's here. He's right here in my arms and he couldn't have been more worth the wait.<br />
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If there's anyone reading this who is struggling to conceive and struggling even harder to hold onto hope, I want to share with you the<i> hope onesie.</i><br />
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The hope onesie started on a day when my heart broke over two pregnancy announcements. I was jealous. Angry. Sad that it wasn't me. I sat down and wrote a letter to my future baby, and then I went shopping. Here's an excerpt from the letter:<br />
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<i>"I'm going to go out and buy a few baby clothes because I hope for you with such a fire! I haven't allowed myself to do it yet, but I need this today when my dream of you seems so far away. You're going to be here one day, and you'll need some clothes." </i><br />
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This is <i>the </i>hope onesie I bought that day:<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xGHXmDj9Jv1PRhlrCZ3n0nIO6cNIqe2Az0ZfIgr2k_sb-Z7wLBKiH_QK6cihPWhQuoG-k_kaIiiOrJYBgmKcPYGekwX1BOPgs-cDw8Nkc6B_iS5ks26f85RhkMXp4BBrWerAouFXz93Q/s1600/Logo_1500318216109.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj9xGHXmDj9Jv1PRhlrCZ3n0nIO6cNIqe2Az0ZfIgr2k_sb-Z7wLBKiH_QK6cihPWhQuoG-k_kaIiiOrJYBgmKcPYGekwX1BOPgs-cDw8Nkc6B_iS5ks26f85RhkMXp4BBrWerAouFXz93Q/s1600/Logo_1500318216109.png" /></a></div>
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The purpose of a hope onesie is to prepare for the baby you're hoping for. In the words of Pastor Joseph Prince, <a href="http://www.josephprince.org/daily-grace/grace-inspirations/single/hope-that-does-not-disappoint/" target="_blank">"'Hope' in the Bible is a confident and positive expectation of good."</a> So if you're hoping for a baby, back up that hope with preparation for your baby! This is a show of faith. A way to prove to yourself that you believe.<br />
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I took this hope onesie out of its box month after month to hold it, pray, and imagine my baby wearing the onesie. This was the big hope onesie, but there were others too. Every month I wasn't pregnant, I had a good cry, I got angry, I laid it all out in front of God, and then...I went to the store for another onesie for my baby. I bought some gender neutral, some boy, some girl. It didn't matter. What mattered was that through the jealously, anger, and sadness, I chose hope. I turned my hope into something tangible I could touch when my waiting felt hopeless.<br />
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Here's a picture of my M wearing the hope onesie almost two years after I bought it.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNsEUAOweO432QDGiIk-5KbIUpRzd7B4ab9v0KFTVEhIvULPEBX7Vg98KODa4kQaYHNmOkvvPO9YJFL6jP1tV1dD3bYhZ2my2BuzUlfNkveQM6SDQ1PmjHVCCbHNOsUmgkQn2xSXSYd8pl/s1600/Logo_1500318820596.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgNsEUAOweO432QDGiIk-5KbIUpRzd7B4ab9v0KFTVEhIvULPEBX7Vg98KODa4kQaYHNmOkvvPO9YJFL6jP1tV1dD3bYhZ2my2BuzUlfNkveQM6SDQ1PmjHVCCbHNOsUmgkQn2xSXSYd8pl/s1600/Logo_1500318820596.jpg" /></a></div>
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This was a huge, surreal moment for me, the day he finally fit it, and I saw a complete living picture of what I had only dreampt of and prayed for all that time.<br />
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For those of you in the wait, I know how hard it is to hope. But don't give up! Go out and buy a hope onesie for your baby to show yourself that you believe, that you have an unquenchable hope. Your baby <i>is</i> going to wear that onesie one beautiful day.<br />
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<i>"Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life." Proverbs 13:12</i><br />
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<i>"We boast in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." Romans 5:2-7</i><br />
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Related posts:<br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/when-back-to-school-is-hard.html" target="_blank">When Back-to-School is Hard: a Letter to those Experiencing Infertility or Pregnancy Loss</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/06/prayer-of-comfort-for-infertile-and.html" target="_blank">Prayer of Comfort for the Infertile and Mother of Angels</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/04/how-my-past-infertility-impacts-my.html" target="_blank">How my Past Infertility Affects My Motherhood for Better and for Worse</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/04/to-infertile-from-someone-on-other-side.html" target="_blank">To the Infertile From Someone on the Other Side</a>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-58703441704712857422017-07-05T14:16:00.000-04:002018-08-14T14:08:37.884-04:00Natural Consequences are Better than Logical Consequences<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYgxEgLyZrRtbvTl_gJot0PU5AXAhT_mh1kawscxpVZqEDtwNwkZoe96cAb5RTkjoQ2S9XJnju_sVi_ZMz5yIKqRG_Q04J3QsVJX_TNuvQDv515hXMtwd385SV3t_3j3TXN5AlM0XFjFY/s1600/Logo_1499273202239.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilYgxEgLyZrRtbvTl_gJot0PU5AXAhT_mh1kawscxpVZqEDtwNwkZoe96cAb5RTkjoQ2S9XJnju_sVi_ZMz5yIKqRG_Q04J3QsVJX_TNuvQDv515hXMtwd385SV3t_3j3TXN5AlM0XFjFY/s1600/Logo_1499273202239.jpg" /></a></div>
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This is a picture of me holding a first-melted-and-then-frozen candy bar on my forehead (Where did our ice pack go?? And how long has this candy bar been in our freezer?) after 17-month-old M hit me in the forehead with the spine of his <i>Courderoy's Shapes</i> board book. It was a hard hit. A fast hit I didn't see coming until I was clutching my head and involuntarily groaning for like two minutes.<br />
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After the pain subsided a bit, I had some anger. Being hit in the head will do that. I was thinking, "How many times do I have to tell you to use gentle hands and not to hit?!" He's going through a hitting phase, and worse, he thinks it's funny or at least doesn't seem to have empathy when you're clutching your head, going, "Aaaaggghhhh." And whatever I've been doing to teach him better isn't working. <br />
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In the next moments, I had serious self-reflective, strategizing, head-throbbing, intentional parenting thoughts about whether it would be better to have natural or logical consequences, and what is the difference anyway?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNUQMfFpgtnyZlQA6gy-2Q31msh4X9c8T9guZenl0Qke7EJR3gO_8oI5VqXDT6h4yKsdGHktCnzgRqKjfx89iUlansJ1u_WuA35-VfuJFJxgi7rmyvbEKxv_X2NDvFYW2rd8eEbFmvI6CE/s1600/Logo_1499275203180.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNUQMfFpgtnyZlQA6gy-2Q31msh4X9c8T9guZenl0Qke7EJR3gO_8oI5VqXDT6h4yKsdGHktCnzgRqKjfx89iUlansJ1u_WuA35-VfuJFJxgi7rmyvbEKxv_X2NDvFYW2rd8eEbFmvI6CE/s1600/Logo_1499275203180.jpg" /></a></div>
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Up until now, I've been going the logical consequence route with hitting. A logical consequence is a consequence connected to the incident. So if M hits me with his drumsticks, then I explain we don't hit people, and if he does it again, he won't get to play with the drumsticks. He hits again, so I take away the drumsticks. My reasoning for the logical consequence is that hitting is a safety issue, and that I need to remove whatever is it he's using to hit in order to create a safe space for everyone. Plus then he'll learn he doesn't get to use things if he hits people. Except...one, he obviously isn't learning that. And two, the lessons he will learn from natural consequences are much more valuable.<br />
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A natural consequence is simply what occurs naturally after an incident without me manipulating or adding to the situation. M hit me with his book. The natural consequence is that it caused me pain. That's it. How is that helpful? Well, if he isn't distracted with his sadness or anger over having his favorite book taken away, then the only thing to focus on in the moment is how the other person is feeling. He's been learning cause and effect since the newborn days, so if he's not distracted by logical consequences, he has time to process the cause and effect. He hit me with the book. I was in pain. If he processes this time after time, he's going to truly understand the connection and something amazing and essential will occur in him. <i>Empathy</i>.<br />
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So am I going to let him hit me with things just to learn from natural consequences? Heck no. I mean, it'll happen when I don't see it coming, and he'll learn in those instances. But I'm going to be proactive when I can about stopping him from hitting. This is where logical consequences get in the way of another great teaching opportunity. If I take away his toy, he learns that I'll take away his toy, and that's it. Or I could stop him from hitting, remind him about gentle hands, and show him how to use the drumsticks, the book, or his hands as they should be used. Plus, even more importantly, this shows him that I will help him through tough situations. We can figure out how the world works together. And in the future, when he doesn't quite make the right choice, I'm not the mom who takes away, but I'm the mom who helps figure things out.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVex9V7Rgk6ljv4qVEaaG80k4LF6wnAB_8E8Oi5cdbPZdDiSIKmeuvFQZcPA5o-nNlWQQBZiw_EEkFoVIqEjnQHxCbnzyK_c4jeYKcQkvkE8Jg2r3I_t780ZYPy2lUMftdu7OMFiEvvhyphenhyphenE/s1600/Logo_1499277875376.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="810" data-original-width="540" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVex9V7Rgk6ljv4qVEaaG80k4LF6wnAB_8E8Oi5cdbPZdDiSIKmeuvFQZcPA5o-nNlWQQBZiw_EEkFoVIqEjnQHxCbnzyK_c4jeYKcQkvkE8Jg2r3I_t780ZYPy2lUMftdu7OMFiEvvhyphenhyphenE/s1600/Logo_1499277875376.jpg" /></a></div>
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Logical consequences create a barrier. A barrier to learning and a barrier between child and parent. But natural consequences and working together to find a solution teaches the right lessons and creates a strong bond, trust, and openness between child and parent.<br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/01/this-is-what-gentle-parenting-shows-my.html" target="_blank">This is What Gentle Parenting Shows My Child</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/06/my-toddler-me-and-lesson-i-learned-from.html" target="_blank">My Toddler, Me, and the Lesson I Learned from Our Emotional Parallels</a><br />
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<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/05/i-could-have-taught-my-son-manners-but.html" target="_blank">I Could Have Taught My Son Manners but I Started a Food Fight Instead</a><br />
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If I teach my kids the alphabet, shapes, numbers and letters, but I don't give love, I have taught them nothing but brainy noise. If I keep a clean home and fix healthy, delicious dinners, but I haven't loved, my efforts are useless. If I give all that is within me to offer my kids a Pinterest-worthy childhood, move mountains to give them opportunities, and raise them with faith, all of that is nothing without love.<br />
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Love is patient when my kids don't listen the first time. Love is kind when they spill my favorite lotion all over the floor. It does not envy other moms and kids, does not boast about where our family gets it right, and is not proud because...let's face it; my kids will shove someone else's kid and paint poop on the walls too, and I will have bad days where I yell or forget to pack diapers. <br />
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It does not dishonor; my kids are worthy of respect as human beings, and I will treat them as such. It is not self-seeking; my children's lives, bodies, and minds are their own no matter what my dreams are for them. It is not easily angered even if my kids drop my phone in the toilet. It doesn't keep track of how many things they've done "wrong" today, this week, or this month because they're learning, and learning means making mistakes. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices in truth, so I will do this parenting thing with godliness and grace. <br />
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It always protects, so I will research fiercely, follow my instincts, and be bold to protect my cubs from any and all harm (with the exception of play-induced scrapes, bumps, and bruises). It always trusts, which means I will give my kids the benefit of the doubt, trust them to make mistakes and grow, and trust God through all of it. It always hopes, so I won't let my messy house get me down or believe the lie that teething and sleep regression lasts forever. Love always perseveres, so day by day, through thick and thin, through tantrums and celebrations, we will push on together.<br />
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<i>-Her Arms Are Strong version of 1 Corinthians 13:1-7, inspired by the original NIV version below. </i><br />
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"If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. 3 If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.<br />
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4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." -1Corinthians 13:1-7, NIV<br />
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</script>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-27588528905893219882017-03-12T13:32:00.001-04:002018-08-14T14:15:18.127-04:00Childism: Can We Please Stop Referring to Babies as Half People?"Two and a half?" the waitress asked, after my husband, our baby, and I entered the restaurant.<br />
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I chuckled. Because she meant it as a joke and I was being polite. I don't want to be one of "those people" the world is rolling their eyes at because I'm too sensitive or take things the wrong way. But after a year of hearing this joke, I don't think I'm overreacting. I get that this is "just" a joke. Many family and friends and strangers have made this joke, and I'm not angry with any of you. You don't mean to play into childism, but you do. So here's my gentle plea to stop referring to babies as less than a whole people.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">What is childism? </span><br />
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First of all, let's define childism since it's a relatively new concept. Childism is a prejudice or discrimination against a young person based on their age. (Just like sexism is prejudice/discrimation based on sex, racism is prejudice/discrimination based on race, and ageism is prejudice/discrimination based on mature age.)<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">What does childism look like? </span><br />
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Childism looks like adults ignoring a child's attempt at adding to a conversation "because the adults are talking."<br />
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Childism looks like hitting a child in the name of discipline even though it's never okay to hit any other person.<br />
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Childism looks like making a child sit at the kids table during Thanksgiving even though the child feels more comfortable eating and talking with the adults.<br />
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Childism is forcing affection (hugs, kisses, etc.) even though it's never okay to force affection or touch on an adult.<br />
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There are endless examples, but at it's basic root, childism looks like treating a child with less respect than we would give an adult.<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">What if we treated other people the same way we treat children? </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span> Imagine you're talking with a group of friends, and another adult approaches and has something to add. Would you stop them and say, "Not right now. Go do something else. We're talking." No, right? Because it's dismissive, rude, and shows you don't value that person's thoughts. If you were that person being turned away, how would you feel?<br />
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Picture you're having a bad day. Maybe you're tired and hungry, so you snap at someone or forget to take your coffee mug into the kitchen. So, to show that you need to be kinder or more responsible, someone hits you. Not okay. Never okay.<br />
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Your Uncle Harvey comes over and, for whatever reason (any reason at all), you don't want to hug him. You tell him no, but he wraps his arms around you anyway to hold you against your will. When he lets you go, you're upset, but everyone else in the room tells you not to be so rude. That's so messed up.<br />
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Now let's go back to the restaurant scenario. Let's call a woman half a person. Let's call a black person only half a person. Let's call Great Grandpa half a person. "Two and a half of you?" No one would chuckle. We'd be outraged. We'd talk to the manager and take our business elsewhere because sexism, racism, and ageism are unacceptable.<br />
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Yet it's okay and even funny to do this to young people? I do get the joke. Babies are small and cute. They can't talk yet. They'll throw more food than they eat, and they think fart noises are funny. But...none of these things make babies less than a whole person. This joke is a tiny tip of a giant iceberg called childism.<br />
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So just like I did in the restaurant yesterday, if someone asks me, "Two and a half?" I'll say, "No, three of us."<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">More on Childism</span><br />
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If you're interested in furthering your understanding, some other bloggers I love talk about childism too. Check out their posts!<br />
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<a href="http://www.ourmuddyboots.com/childism-not-call-action-just-beginning/" target="_blank">"Childism: Not a Call to Action, Just a Beginning" by Our Muddy Boots</a><br />
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<a href="http://happinessishereblog.com/2016/08/we-need-to-talk-about-childism/" target="_blank">"We Need to Talk about Childism" by Happiness is Here</a><br />
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<a href="https://bespokefamily.wordpress.com/2017/07/03/spotlight-on-childism-the-uncomfortable-truth-about-mainstream-parenting/" target="_blank">"Spotlight on Childism: the Uncomfortable Truth about Mainstream Parenting" by Bespoke Parents; Unique Kids</a><br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com27tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-14450802662247574122017-01-27T14:24:00.000-05:002018-08-14T14:16:59.207-04:00This is What Gentle Parenting Shows My Child<br />
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There's a widely held belief that parents have to threaten, punish, and manipulate their children into submission in order to form them into respectful human beings. I couldn't disagree more. Spanking, time-outs, and contrived consequences might be able to fix your child's behavior in the moment (probably not really though), but I want to do better than demand blind obedience out of fear. I want to foster a relationship and connection that is built on trust, grace, love, patience, empathy...all the wonderful things my Father in Heaven gives me. See, I know my child watches how I parent him. He's a keen observer (it's his superpower!), so he watches <i>everyone</i>. Including people who parent very differently from me, like I mentioned above. When he watches my parenting, I want him to learn deeper things than obedience. I want him to learn my heart for him. I want him to see the unmistakable gentleness of God in me as I guide him, help him learn, and give him wave after wave of unwavering support. Gentle parenting takes a mind shift. It takes patience. It takes a heck of a lot of grace (for my kiddo and myself). But it's worth it because this is what gentle parenting shows my child: <br />
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I fully respect you. You don't deserve less respect because you're less grown. You deserve full respect because you're a whole person. Having a lot to learn doesn't diminish your right to respect. Every single adult I know has a lot to learn too. Just like adults don't like being talked down to, belittled, embarrassed, or isolated, neither do children. I'll treat you with utmost dignity.<br />
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I will take care of you. Taking care of you means your needs are filled--your need for food, shelter, clothes, affection, understanding, and safety. Not only will I never let anyone lay a hand on you to harm you (physically or emotionally), but I'll never lay a hand on you either...unless it's a pat of encouragement on your back. <br />
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I'll always love you. I'll love you when you're smiling, when you're crying, and when you act out because an emotion feels so much bigger than you. It doesn't matter if you're having the best day or the worst day or if you tell me you hate me. I love you.<br />
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Your emotions aren't bad. Don't stuff them down. Not for me. Not for anyone. Let's look at the tough emotions together. Feel them, understand them, work through them together. <br />
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You're worth the time it takes to understand you. What you're going through developmentally, what you're feeling, your thought process, your physical needs. I understand there's a LOT going on behind your behavior, and I'll do my best to investigate or just be with you through it before I jump to conclusions. May I never correct before I attempt to understand. <br />
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I will teach you. I will teach you to brush your teeth, apologize, treat people with grace, bake good food, step out of your comfort zone, forgive, write a letter, ride a bike, love yourself. The best way I'll teach you is to show you by example.<br />
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I'll set limits for your safety and the safety of others. If you don't understand the limits, I'll explain them. I have no problem with your questions. Here's another learning and connection moment. And if you disagree with the limits after you understand, I'll listen to you. Because your voice matters. To me. To this family. In the world, your voice matters. You may not get your way still, but the door is always open for conversation.<br />
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I'll give you freedom. I'll give you the space to grow, play, make mistakes, fall down. I'll give you the space to find out who you are and to work through life in your own timing. I'll give you the space to not need me. And the space between my arms for when you do...any time, any place, kiddo.<br />
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The best way to change a harsh world for peace, love, and humanity caring for one another is to gently raise a generation who respects, values, and loves people because they were raised respected, valued, and loved.<br />
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Related post: <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2017/06/a-moms-version-of-1-corinthians-13-1-7.html" target="_blank">A Mom's Version of 1 Corinthians 13:1-7</a> <br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com15tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-43037215056248177602016-12-11T11:33:00.002-05:002018-08-14T14:19:46.170-04:00Her Arms Are Strong Facebook PageI just wanted to make a short announcement that Her Arms Are Strong now has a Facebook Page!<br />
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</script>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-6471155601700285102016-08-30T23:36:00.002-04:002018-08-16T15:05:58.287-04:00Why I Refuse to Call My Child "Shy" My son has shown introverted traits since he was a baby, ducking his soft head every time he smiled, and going straight from giggles to the most serious expression any time he saw an unfamiliar face or crowd. Now as a toddler, he's still the same way. He reserves his smiles and giggles for the people he's closest to. In a room full of people, he withdraws to watch and learn. We hear a lot of, "He's so serious. Isn't he a happy child?" and "Oh, he's shy." Usually with a lowered voice and a look of disappointment or pity. <br />
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There was a time I'd agree and say, "Yeah, he's being shy." But not anymore. It bothered me to agree and use that label for him, but it was the label I'd heard all my life and the one most people use. So it took me a long time to unpack the word and figure out why it doesn't rest easy with me.<br />
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"Shy" is a box. "Shy" is a weight. "Shy" is a reductive, negative label.</div>
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I've been labeled as shy a lot in my life, and it's never felt good. If I was afraid to speak up, and someone called me shy, the label only made it harder for me to find power in my voice. If I was afraid to make friends, the label only made it that much scarier. "Shy" made me feel uninteresting, unworthy, and unmotivated to step outside my comfort zone. "Shy" made me feel insecure. <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/i-dont-want-to-be-awkward-mom-on.html" target="_blank">I still struggle with insecurity and social anxiety.</a></div>
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I don't think people are trying to be mean when they say it. It's one of those things people just say. But listen to the way people say it, look at their body language and facial expressions, and then tell me it's a positive thing for a child to be shy.<br />
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Let's think about what people really mean when they call someone shy...Uncomfortable, afraid, timid, quiet. And it may be true that the child is feeling these, but they're all negative things, and by calling it out in a child, we're drawing attention to those things. It's embarrassing, un-affirming, and dampens the spirit. Instead of calling out the negatives in these children who are already struggling in social situations, why don't we notice and call out their positive traits? Let's build them up.<br />
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My son isn't shy.<br />
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He's thoughtful. </div>
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He's introspective. </div>
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He's observant and a good listener. <br />
He excels socially in smaller circles and after he's had a chance to warm up.<br />
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These are all positive things to call out in a person. So I'm going to shred "shy," douse it with lighter fluid, and watch it burst into flames and flicker out of my vocabulary. The rest of those words are going in my back pocket, so next time someone comments that my son is being so serious and shy, I can smile and proudly say, "He's so observant!" </div>
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Celebrate your kiddos. Build them up. Choose your words wisely because they have power.<br />
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Related post: <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/i-dont-want-to-be-awkward-mom-on.html" target="_blank">I Don't Want to be the Awkward Mom on the Playground</a></div>
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-2964017372309189782016-08-30T23:36:00.001-04:002018-08-24T14:40:05.949-04:00I Don't Want to be the Awkward Mom on the Playground<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
Welcome, fellow awkward mom and/or mom with social anxiety. Nice to meet you on the internet, our most comfortable social place. I think you'll relate to what I share in this post. I hope you'll be encouraged too! (BECAUSE YOU ROCK.) And at the end of the post, you'll find things that help me manage anxiety that I wanted to share to help you too. </div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw1EAKtHHBv_WjZFeUlzauWu3bc0RLZXc58axmYiFCpIJi7CkQQfYNPcbURjcFKHcuXdpTCGScO2OuSLFZeQcT1Buqux_RJKSQQy85zPd-VgDWFLglGPURz-ElCzrEKlWoT3ggvrfw3xhH/s1600/I+Don%2527t+Want+to+be+the+Awkward+Mom.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhw1EAKtHHBv_WjZFeUlzauWu3bc0RLZXc58axmYiFCpIJi7CkQQfYNPcbURjcFKHcuXdpTCGScO2OuSLFZeQcT1Buqux_RJKSQQy85zPd-VgDWFLglGPURz-ElCzrEKlWoT3ggvrfw3xhH/s1600/I+Don%2527t+Want+to+be+the+Awkward+Mom.png" /></a></div>
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There's a mom who goes to every single mom and baby group, laughs loudly with her baby, confidently dazzles with conversation, and then invites the other moms over for brunch or a cookout. (And her carpets look and smell brand new!)<br />
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This mom is not me.<br />
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But I wish she were.<br />
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Instead, I'm the mom who shows up to the mom and baby groups with a little sweat in my armpits and a squadron of butterflies in my stomach. I'm the mom who tries to show up early so I don't have to go through the panic of deciding where to sit in an already full room (the worst!) and then insert myself into an already established conversation. I'm the mom who, on Monday can converse like my fantasy self, but by Tuesday, can't bear the thought of socializing. I'm the mom who talks a little more quietly to her baby in public than she does at home because what if how I talk to my baby is not the "right way" to talk to a baby? (Ridiculous.)<br />
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I can't pretend I know everything about social anxiety, but I'm pretty sure mine stems from insecurities and lies I've believed about myself from a very young age. <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/why-i-refuse-to-call-my-son-shy.html" target="_blank">Hence, why I refuse to call my son "shy." </a><br />
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I don't want to be the mom with social anxiety. Not just because walking into a full room is painful, but because I don't want to pass anxiety on to my son. I want to lead by example, so it doesn't make sense if I pump him up, tell him how awesome he is and that he should be himself, love himself, and put himself out there...if I can't do the same.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNxa99qSy7ZHXC-FVb-zT8f9Z9rceWqCad1AsVpk6EoM98PMMaTqPFb1BKD0RYE6kDAFDHhuEroGx9ly5XSz7zgSBTZagEFs1rIXPpuV8YALuylKdYishSHVuyrQ84BTy-AYUyGN0sbyHb/s1600/Good+News+for+Awkward+Moms.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="600" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNxa99qSy7ZHXC-FVb-zT8f9Z9rceWqCad1AsVpk6EoM98PMMaTqPFb1BKD0RYE6kDAFDHhuEroGx9ly5XSz7zgSBTZagEFs1rIXPpuV8YALuylKdYishSHVuyrQ84BTy-AYUyGN0sbyHb/s1600/Good+News+for+Awkward+Moms.png" /></a></div>
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So what can I do? My baby is here, growing, watching, learning already. Am I totally screwing up when I walk into a room full of people, and my baby watches my lips tense and listens to my voice fill with self-doubt? Am I doomed to teach him all the wrong things about confidence, socializing, loving oneself?<br />
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No.<br />
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Sure, my baby will pick up on how uncomfortable I am trying to insert myself into a group conversation. But that's not <i>all</i> he's going to see. He's also going to see me try. And in trying, he'll see me fail and succeed. He'll watch and learn as I give myself grace and laugh off awkward encounters. If I cry after an uncomfortable interaction, he'll learn that moms have difficult, sad feelings too. He'll understand it's okay to stay home if you need a break from people. And then after that? He'll see me go out and try again. And again and again. He'll see me conquer fear with action. He'll notice there's a connection between how much love I have for myself and how much time I've spent in God's presence. He'll witness what a real difference it makes to bask in the love of our Creator.<br />
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None of that would be possible if I were the perfect, fantasy version of myself. So I guess being the awkward mom on the playground isn't the worst thing, after all. Not when it means my flawed son learns how to be brave by watching his flawed, brave momma.<br />
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Update: I wrote this as a brand new mom who had zero mom friends. Now my kiddo is 2.5, and I have the best mom friends in the world! Buuuuut I'm still awkward. Haha! The cool thing is that I've really found my people, and either they're also awkward or they're just kind of gracious--or both! I still struggle socially and even recently had myself an Introvert Staycation for two weeks because I was drowning is social life. I just wanted to share that with any moms reading this who feel like they'll never make any mommy friends. You will! Put yourself out there and keep trying.<br />
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I've also found some things that majorly help reduce my anxiety...<br />
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- CBD oil! My goodness, I take this when I feel anxious, and it just puts me in a state of calm. There's no THC so there's no "high," but the tight feeling in my chest goes away, and I just have this peaceful feeling left. If you want to try the CBD oil I use and love for a discount, you'll get 10% off with my code: "HerArmsAreStrong" by using my affiliate link: <a href="http://hempextracts.com/herarmsarestrong" target="_blank">Hemp Extracts Full Spectrum CBD Oil</a>.<br />
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-Clean eating, GAPS, paleo diet. Our gut health directly impacts our mental health. Happy gut, peaceful mind.<br />
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-Meditation. I recommend <a href="https://open.spotify.com/episode/64rAeGxONFAvEiSfbb9eo0?si=RQx_-bbDSRGAbl6gBsyY7A" target="_blank">"Letting Go of What Others Think about Us" by Meditation Minis Podcast.</a> It's less than ten minutes. I just used this before a playdate today, and it helped so much. </div>
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<span style="text-align: left;">Related post: </span><a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/why-i-refuse-to-call-my-son-shy.html" style="text-align: left;" target="_blank">Why I Refuse to Call My Son "Shy"</a></div>
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Want more content about crunchy/natural living, gentle parenting, and faith? Check out <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook!</a> If you were encouraged by this, please share and pin to pass it on!<br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-12313953632799363482016-08-28T00:11:00.002-04:002018-08-14T14:27:03.623-04:00Grandma's Lavender Review: Organic Mom and Baby Skin CareI'm a huge fan of an all natural, organic lifestyle. In other words, I'm one crunchy momma. But since I'm not made of money, it's impractical for me to run a 100% organic household. I have to pick my battles. One area I do keep 100% natural and organic is skin care for my baby and myself. (My husband is another story, but I'm not the boss of him, so...)<br />
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Why choose organic skin care? </div>
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Because your skin is the largest organ in your body. Everything that goes on your skin is quickly absorbed into your body. Don't even get me started on all the chemicals allowed in US beauty and hygiene products. If you're trying to get pregnant, are pregnant, breastfeeding, or just want your family to be as healthy as possible, this is something worth looking into. I made the change when I was having trouble conceiving, and I won't turn back.</div>
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So imagine my delight when I was asked to try some organic lavender mom and baby products from <a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/" target="_blank">Grandma's Lavender</a> in exchange for my honest review. Ummm, yes, please! Lavender is just one of those comforting scents, you know? And if there's a whole line of products for mom <i>and</i> baby all in one place? I'm definitely interested.</div>
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Before I jump into the products, there are a few things you should know. </div>
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-Grandma's Lavender was started when a grandma's new grandbaby was on the way, and her daughter wanted to use only natural, organic products on her baby. So all of these wonderful products were literally made out of love for a daughter and grandbaby. How sweet is that? </div>
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-This Grandma knows what she's talking about when it comes to babies and postpartum care since she's a mom of four, grandma of six, RN, and student midwife. She has the creds to back up the talk.<br />
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-All of the lavender comes from her own organic lavender farm in the beautiful Michigan Upper Peninsula.<br />
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-Transparency is everything. You can find lists of every simple, organic ingredient on her website. You can find the full list of baby products and their ingredients <a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/baby-care-products" target="_blank">here</a>, and the full list of postpartum care products and their ingredients <a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/post-partum-products" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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-Grandma's Lavender supports different charities. You can see what they've supported in the past by clicking <a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/giving" target="_blank">here</a>.<br />
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-I enjoyed these products so much, I wanted to share! <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/grandmas-lavender-nipple-cream-giveaway.html" target="_blank">Enter to win organic Nipple Cream by Grandma's Lavender here!</a><br />
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Now, let's start with the baby products I had the pleasure of testing.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156399" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Extra Messy Bum Spray</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLpwtCKgA32dx7cGk-5CV01w90chNFXdZ-kjSgfX1lT3mPtUcfMfryuEmv55CtBHiw889gkVfSSKjzGXqPxbnXZzc-CDmPFiBgPlBYz6k9FyNM_fQubtoeGb_UgRX8Dyz6dN8OnWDD5rcb/s1600/extra+messy+bum+spray.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLpwtCKgA32dx7cGk-5CV01w90chNFXdZ-kjSgfX1lT3mPtUcfMfryuEmv55CtBHiw889gkVfSSKjzGXqPxbnXZzc-CDmPFiBgPlBYz6k9FyNM_fQubtoeGb_UgRX8Dyz6dN8OnWDD5rcb/s1600/extra+messy+bum+spray.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I'd never heard of using a spray to make diaper cleanup easier. That's what wet wipes are for, right? But since using the Extra Messy Bum Spray, I've never used more than two wipes to clean up my baby after a messy diaper. That includes when he kicks around and gets poo all over his feet. Ahem. To give you a little perspective, I was so used to pulling out four or so wipes before every poopy diaper change that I had to put wipes back in the package for a while before I realized this is life now. Spray, two wipes, done. And the scent is soooo lovely!<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156439" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Happy Bum Cream</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJKa8ihaViTOkhauMhpyi0F5pwBZQlCwJwLW1h6WbQqQXv8TrBdMlEvVJFU4N2fYk7KM8AzbDj9uPBgeOojopfx0mMCB8ZO3zZMrqnzro0ZGWPRv8EbdP7ffG3oY3jTisnSA4Cor1XEdNO/s1600/happy+bum+cream.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgJKa8ihaViTOkhauMhpyi0F5pwBZQlCwJwLW1h6WbQqQXv8TrBdMlEvVJFU4N2fYk7KM8AzbDj9uPBgeOojopfx0mMCB8ZO3zZMrqnzro0ZGWPRv8EbdP7ffG3oY3jTisnSA4Cor1XEdNO/s1600/happy+bum+cream.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
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My favorite thing about the Happy Bum Cream is the beautiful lavender scent. My second favorite thing is how effective it is with mild rashes. We recently went to a birthday party at a water park, so Baby Cakes was in a wetsuit for some time. After we got home, I noticed a mild rash, applied Happy Bum Cream, and the rash cleared up immediately. You only need a little pea-size amount because a little goes a long way, so this is a product that will last. Which is good because I use it all the time for the scent alone. (I didn't have this when Baby Cakes was born, but this would have been great for diaper time because it would help the meconium not stick to his bottom!)<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156456" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Baby Bath</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTRLmJtk9r2LZJ0FChgea_qR6zybTMZUImgIKXhfMhLTUMXs_qbRpjL2-022jepcHX5qKKw2Rt8G73cxO6xZfPftSfzcTrWFa2OATo3Ok6qTTFTu9nyjYQuj0FMPjVPRcU1_W6h8VBkCwP/s1600/baby+bath.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTRLmJtk9r2LZJ0FChgea_qR6zybTMZUImgIKXhfMhLTUMXs_qbRpjL2-022jepcHX5qKKw2Rt8G73cxO6xZfPftSfzcTrWFa2OATo3Ok6qTTFTu9nyjYQuj0FMPjVPRcU1_W6h8VBkCwP/s1600/baby+bath.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Again with the fantastic scent! It's so good, I've even squirted some in my bath. It's so good, my husband has squirted some into <i>his</i> bath, you guys. But I digress. My almost seven-month-old puts everything into his mouth, and bathtime is no exception. His fingers, his bath toys, his wash cloth, if I would let him...and all of those things have bath water and soap on them. I don't worry at all when he gets a little bit of Baby Bath in his mouth as he explores his fingers and toys. This gentle cleanser gets my sweetie clean and smelling delightful.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156469" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Night Time Bath</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBNWCJFtpuVpd_HzCK2LSyLF9IDArks4Xi8DNCNPXDAPRLlJbnuNjsc4r_2S8TLQlp5xh4nQdse9vDdaWDQztxSzUA0FoLS8jPqGyMGv8JqobbcU9VbpaTC7gz46aYDG80iTccDmi6xfWC/s1600/night+time+bath.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBNWCJFtpuVpd_HzCK2LSyLF9IDArks4Xi8DNCNPXDAPRLlJbnuNjsc4r_2S8TLQlp5xh4nQdse9vDdaWDQztxSzUA0FoLS8jPqGyMGv8JqobbcU9VbpaTC7gz46aYDG80iTccDmi6xfWC/s1600/night+time+bath.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
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I was nervous about using Night Time Bath, to be honest. Not because of the product, but because of my baby. See, for a while, we tried to use bath time to establish a bedtime routine, which Baby Cakes hated. During the day? Loves baths. At night? By his screams, you'd think we were trying to bath him in a bath of piranhas. We stopped giving baths at night, and I was nervous about trying again. But I did try again after he had a couple six-month vaccines because he was in pain, and we'd been told a warm bath can soothe in these instances. The warm Night Time Bath did soothe him! Unfortunately, his calm went right out the window when we took him out of the bath, and we had a hard time getting him to sleep. It's not fair to the product or to Grandma's Lavender because who wouldn't have a hard time falling asleep if their leg hurt? Poor baby. It probably wasn't the best time to try out this product. But I'm happy to say that's not the end of the story. I was expecting a restless, ultra-interrupted night like we had with the month four vaccines, but that wasn't the case this time. After he fell asleep, he only woke up a couple times to nurse and slept soundly the rest of the night.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156514" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Lavender Bath Salts</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIXSmNa6v-fsgEZ-Gaf-E8lC3wrh_n0P8I1kOTvMKMXlmJVCya-fwa7ltGyrar1HRj2vkqovUsLJH2AroDueDmBqbQ5w_rHqB_s5H7k9gd59FY4j9NgOfW0oXanfV7QOqTC9Mva4B1bEZc/s1600/lavender+bath+salts.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiIXSmNa6v-fsgEZ-Gaf-E8lC3wrh_n0P8I1kOTvMKMXlmJVCya-fwa7ltGyrar1HRj2vkqovUsLJH2AroDueDmBqbQ5w_rHqB_s5H7k9gd59FY4j9NgOfW0oXanfV7QOqTC9Mva4B1bEZc/s1600/lavender+bath+salts.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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Lavender bath salts can be added to the bath for a baby six months and older to calm and add those good minerals for your baby to soak up. What I loved about these compared to other lavender bath salts I've tried is that the scent is a lot more subtle. The bath salts I usually buy from the grocery store have such a strong scent, I'd be worried about a baby having a hard time breathing, you know? Because they literally almost take your breath away. But not these salts. Be careful to store these in a dry place, though, because I didn't. I loosely closed the bag and then used my bathroom as a steam room to unwrinkle some clothes. The steam turned my salts into one hard block. The salts still work, though! I just break off a piece and dissolve it in the water like usual. These are also for postpartum/mom care, which brings me to the postpartum/mom care products.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156576" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Post Partum Bath</span></a><br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQXnDUIuUwSH9Dct1oQcuJe7l7m_qZPK-bt6qOvREFTCgdPUcf74qo3PuX8VWFf77HLqpLDwgU3-BnuX0_zXXTF5jW6BSjsecbl2iUVHqGfpYATcLTa2xF1piVGXUQiNNqBNRjMYUpIGu/s1600/postpartum+bath.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjUQXnDUIuUwSH9Dct1oQcuJe7l7m_qZPK-bt6qOvREFTCgdPUcf74qo3PuX8VWFf77HLqpLDwgU3-BnuX0_zXXTF5jW6BSjsecbl2iUVHqGfpYATcLTa2xF1piVGXUQiNNqBNRjMYUpIGu/s1600/postpartum+bath.JPG" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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I wish wish <i>wish</i> I knew about the Post Partum Bath and <a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6156572" target="_blank">Post Partum Peri Wash</a> before I gave birth! My natural, vaginal birth left me with a few bad tears, so I was mega sore for about five weeks after delivery. I would have loved to sit in this Post Partum Bath and let the healing, cleansing herbs soothe me and speed up my healing. Unfortunately, I didn't know this existed then, so I tried it recently with the lavender bath salts when I was achy with my period. It's soothing and smells nice. I'll definitely get these if I ever give birth again.<br />
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<a href="http://www.grandmaslavender.com/apps/webstore/products/show/6849980" target="_blank"><span style="font-size: large;">Lavender Mint Lip Balm</span></a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image Property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
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I'm a lip balm addict. I'm also picky. This is by far my favorite lip balm <i>ever</i>. Like, when I got all these products to try, this one made me the giddiest. I'm never letting go. Anyway, why do I love it? THE SCENT. Lavender and mint together? Yes! It works. It works so hard. I've been burned by one too many lip balms getting infected with bacteria and then making my lips gross, so I've sworn off the kind that touches your lips. This is not that kind. This is the kind you apply with your finger, so you can even share with friends in a pinch. Plus, lavender is antimicrobial, antibacterial, and antifungal, so there's no worry about infection here. It's so smooth and wonderful, and did I mention how amazing it smells? (The price makes this one a serious steal too, which is always a bonus in my book.)<br />
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There are a lot more products you can check out, but these are the ones I've tried and enjoyed. I trust Grandma's Lavender products with my most precious little joy, so I'm a fan for life.<br />
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In case you missed my link above, you have the chance to try out Grandma's Lavender Nipple Cream or snag it for an expecting friend <i>for free</i> by entering my giveaway <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/grandmas-lavender-nipple-cream-giveaway.html" target="_blank">here</a>! (GIVEAWAY HAS ENDED.)<br />
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Want more content about crunchy momming with faith, gentleness, and boobs? <a href="https://www.facebook.com/HerArmsAreStrong/" target="_blank">Check out Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook!</a><br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-36186615027145070742016-08-28T00:09:00.003-04:002017-03-12T20:51:12.566-04:00Grandma's Lavender Organic Nipple Cream GiveawayI had the pleasure of trying <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/grandmas-lavender-review.html" target="_blank">Grandma's Lavender organic mom and baby skin care products for review</a>. I loved these wholesome products so much, I wanted to share with one lucky reader. Could be you! It's easy to enter. All you have to do is follow the instructions on the rafflecopter form below for entry points. Up for the win is...<br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Organic Nipple Cream by Grandma's Lavender!</span> Perfect for the new breastfeeding momma. (Your nipples <i>will</i> be sore at first.) If you're not expecting, try to win for a friend. This would make a great gift--trust me, your friend will thank you.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ8AZG4XXbkJsr-bXwxHUpoGDjwbDd6OpnvfFYd8Cq9DhRF92bDqotqPlZG0FXBcfYCP7RdzoRdeZLLbCEDAegxo7LBJJaHd0_k9U1ibYpR4cLcm7fvCHyK26DEZn4qLT4wAKWJZWlHQBX/s1600/nipple+cream.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjJ8AZG4XXbkJsr-bXwxHUpoGDjwbDd6OpnvfFYd8Cq9DhRF92bDqotqPlZG0FXBcfYCP7RdzoRdeZLLbCEDAegxo7LBJJaHd0_k9U1ibYpR4cLcm7fvCHyK26DEZn4qLT4wAKWJZWlHQBX/s320/nipple+cream.JPG" width="214" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Image property of Grandma's Lavender</td></tr>
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This giveaway starts at 12AM August 28, 2016 and ends at 12AM September 4, 2016. Winners will be chosen randomly and notified by email. All entrants must be at least 18 years old and live in the continental United States.<br />
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Good luck and thanks for entering!<br />
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Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-10834631105868898882016-08-07T16:44:00.001-04:002018-06-24T14:32:13.021-04:00Breastfeeding Isn't Always Hard: Encouragement for Pregnant Moms<div dir="ltr">
This is my last post in celebration of World Breastfeeding Week 2016! <a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-i-got-my-baby-to-stop-hitting.html?m=1">This is also the last day of my giveaway, which you can check out here.</a> </div>
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Many breastfeeding mothers overcome tough obstacles to give their babies the best. I'm so glad there are stories out there about overcoming those obstacles because they help new and seasoned moms press forward and stick with breastfeeding in their own hard times.</div>
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But there's also a place for my breastfeeding story. If there's a first time pregnant mom out there who's a little worried about breastfeeding and not sure if she can do it because it seems so hard, my story is for you. </div>
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First of all, I didn't know much about breastfeeding before I started trying to conceive and became obsessed with reading and learning everything. At this point in my life, the natural lifestyle was very appealing to me, so I knew right away that I wanted to breastfeed my baby, the most natural thing you can do. Still, I had thoughts like, "What if my milk is no good or I don't make enough?" I battled these anxiety-filled questions by educating myself with the answers. </div>
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In fact, I was so determined, that getting a good start to breastfeeding was my number one inspiration for having a drug-free, natural vaginal labor and delivery. Because once you take drugs for pain management, you're more likely to need other medical interventions that can put a damper on your baby's natural breastfeeding instinct. Thankfully, I was able to give my son a natural birth!</div>
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I wanted my baby to do the breast crawl, but the nurses either forgot about that part of my birth plan or ignored it. Because I was so excited, I just went with it when a nurse placed my baby next to my nipple. (I still feel a little bummed he didn't have a chance to do the breast crawl, but the most important stuff happened like I wanted.) </div>
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I'll never forget my boy lifting his little head with so much effort, rooting around, and latching his tiny mouth so perfectly. He was a natural! I felt so proud. </div>
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Eight hours went by with no feeding until a nurse told me he should have been eating every two to three hours. Which I think I knew, but I wasn't thinking clearly because I had barely slept and was running on adrenaline. (Helloooo, motherhood.) The got me a little worried because he didn't seem hungry. He wasn't interested in eating. All my baby wanted to do was sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. The nurses gave me a couple more hours to get him to feed, but he still wouldn't. </div>
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After ten hours, a nurse showed me how to hand express, which I was pretty bad at. She helped me produce some colostrum onto a spoon so I could spoon feed my little dude. A few feedings like that gave him a ton more energy to be awake, and then he was right back at nursing like a champ. </div>
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We've had no problems since. (And I don't even count our little ten hour hiccup as a problem.) No thrush. No mastitis. No tongue tie. One or two poor latches that bruised my nipple, but that was it. Hardly any nipple pain. </div>
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Breastfeeding came naturally to both of us. I even did pretty well with the newborn cluster feedings. Honestly, the hardest part of breastfeeding for me was giving up dairy because it makes my son gassy. That was hard for about a week until I adjusted. Oh, also, he won't take a bottle, which means we're together all the time, so no movie theaters for this gal. But missing out on dairy and movies won't last forever. These are temporary, minor sacrifices so that my baby and I can reap amazing benefits. It's honestly my pleasure to miss out in these things so that I can breastfeed. </div>
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Breastfeeding brings us both so much joy, comfort, and health. Not to mention all the money we're saving by not buying formula. And the time I save, especially at night, not having to make bottles. The ease with which I can pacify him when he's cranky and tired. </div>
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Breastfeeding isn't always hard. It isn't for us. I can't promise that it won't be for you, but there is hope. It's possible. Just learn everything you can about breastfeeding. Find a good support system and a pediatrician who loves breastfeeding. You can do it and it can be wonderful. </div>
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</script>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-36442870096684299112016-08-05T12:16:00.001-04:002017-03-12T20:52:47.491-04:00My First "Big Latch On" (Plus a Giveaway!)<p dir="ltr">In celebration of World Breastfeeding Week, I'm doing a blog post every day August 1-7. Each post will have a link to my small giveaway. </p>
<p dir="ltr">Hi, everyone! </p>
<p dir="ltr">Sorry there was no blog post yesterday. I spent a big chunk of the day at the hospital with a family member (he's fine). </p>
<p dir="ltr">Today's post is going to be short and sweet. Because I want to keep my blog authentic, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm having one of those I'm-so-awkward-it-hurts days. The only good thing about my painfully awkward day is that there's a blog post about it brewing in my mind. I need to get that written while it's hot, which is why this will be short.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I went to my first Big Latch On event today! I felt awkward (did I mention that?) for reasons that have nothing to do with the event or breastfeeding. But when my son latched on along with all the other babies to their moms, and we all raised our hands for the count, it felt like I was raising my hand in victory with this community of mothers. We are breastfeeders! We're giving our babies the best. We're saving our families money while doing it. Our dedication, sacrifice, and joy now will make a huge impact for the rest of our children's lives. </p>
<p dir="ltr">The moment my son latched on, it didn't matter how awkward I felt. That melted away for a moment, and I was just Momma. (And then he puked it all over himself and the moment was over, but, I mean...) Breastfeeding doesn't just comfort my boy; it comforts me too. </p>
<p dir="ltr"><a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-i-got-my-baby-to-stop-hitting.html?m=1">Follow this link to check out my nursing necklace giveaway! </a></p>
<p dir="ltr">Other posts to enjoy:<br>
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-best-reactions-ive-gotten-while.html?m=1">The Best Reactions I've Gotten While Public Breastfeeding</a></p>
<p dir="ltr"><a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/my-exclusively-breastfed-baby-is-about.html?m=1">My Exclusively Breastfed Baby Starts Solids Soon (And I'm Emotional)</a></p>
<p dir="ltr"><a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/05/breastfeeding-without-cover-doesnt.html?m=1">Breastfeeding without a Cover Doesn't Compromise My Modesty</a></p>
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</script>Her Arms Are Stronghttp://www.blogger.com/profile/14426544421737550892noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7477187054995692931.post-37851285358711794952016-08-03T13:22:00.003-04:002017-03-12T20:53:30.031-04:00My Exclusively Breastfed Baby is Starting Solids Soon (And I'm Emotional) My Baby Cakes will start eating solids in less than one week. He's almost six-months-old and SUPER interested in food. It doesn't matter if there's a circus performing in front of a wall of fire while the entire Disney cast sings fun songs...if my husband, Gary, or I bust out food, that's the only thing Baby Cakes will look at.<br />
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All we're waiting for is the "okay" from our son's pediatrician two days after he turns six months old.<br />
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And I'm over here, a jumble of emotions, like:<br />
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<br />
So many emotions!<br />
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His entire life so far, his nutrients have been from me. It has been my body that's supported his health and growth (the chubby rolls!). And soon I'll only be a part of that. Of course, I'm incredibly excited to see him grow and become more independent. It'll be so cool to watch Baby Cakes explore food flavors and textures, to watch him go at his own pace with baby led weaning. But at the same time...<br />
<br />
Well, let's just say I was secretly one happy momma that my baby wouldn't drink from a bottle. I pumped in the beginning so my husband could be a part of caring for Baby Cakes this way (and help so I could nap). When my husband couldn't get him to take the bottle, I was actually pretty happy that feeding would just be <i>our</i> thing. <br />
<br />
And now we have less than a week of that time left. Introducing solids is by no means the end of breastfeeding. (Breastmilk first, solids after.) But it's a start. Gah!<br />
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My boy is growing <i>so fast</i>.<br />
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I'm happy and excited above all, but I might need to shed a tear too, and that's okay.<br />
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Have you introduced solids yet? What were your feelings? Comment below and then <a href="https://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/how-i-got-my-baby-to-stop-hitting.html?showComment=1470237353340#c5008758236027867310" target="_blank">hop over to my little nursing necklace giveaway!</a><br />
<br />
More posts to enjoy:<br />
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/08/the-best-reactions-ive-gotten-while.html" target="_blank">The Best Reactions I've Gotten to Public Breastfeeding</a><br />
<a href="http://herarmsarestrong.blogspot.com/2016/05/the-day-our-lives-changed.html" target="_blank">The Day a Positive Pregnancy Test Changed Our Lives</a><br />
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