You know that crying kid in the grocery store who's like, "Whaaaaaaa! But I want the candy baaaaaar!" And the mom or dad is like, "It'll rot your teeth and ruin your appetite, so no." And the kid responds with even louder wailing because mom and dad have turned into these happiness-sucking, mean, jerk-faced, doo doo heads?
Yeah, sometimes we're that kid. Maybe not as obnoxious, but we are. (I mean, it's not just me right?)
Sometimes when we ask God for something, He doesn't give us what we want. I'm not talking about if we ask for understanding or love or grace or forgiveness or any of that stuff. The abstract stuff. No, I mean like when we ask for a pony. Or a husband. Or a better paying job. Or a house made of non-melting, self-regenerating chocolate with giant bay windows and a pond in the back for fishing.
Sometimes we don't get it because it's not what's best for us. Or maybe He does want us to have it, but not right now. I'm sure the parents aren't saying the kid can never ever have a candy bar. Just not right now before dinner after he just went to the dentist who found three cavities. And not while he's crying because then he'll think he can cry to get anything he wants.
God is not a genie. You don't get to make wishes that come true whenever you feel like it. He's your Father. Your Daddy. And He cares about you, and He knows you, and He sees your future, unlike you. He's not in the business of granting wishes so people will think He's cool. He's not the parent trying to be the kid's best friend. He's the Dad who says no sometimes or says "not just yet" because He loves you and wants what's best for you.
Our Father doesn't want to control your life, though. We have free will. He's not like this:
He doesn't manipulate to keep us trapped because He doesn't want us to taste the chocolate and gooey caramel center. It's because He knows if you eat it, you will get yet another cavity and have to spend an afternoon at the dentist under that drill you hate so much, plus there's the copay which means you can't fit in lunch with your BFF that week, and He knows how much you enjoy those lunches.
It really is because He has a better plan for you than you have for yourself. You don't know what will happen in the future. You don't see how things will play out, but He does. He genuinely wants what's best, which reminds me of this: (Sorry it's sideways. It's the best clip I could find.)
All Harry knows is he's dying, and Spider Man's blood could save him. But Spider Man knows things Harry doesn't, and because he cares about and loves his friend, the answer is no.
I know I always bring up wanting a baby, but it's what I want so much right now. (And I went through pretty much the same thing when I wanted to be married, and that took much longer than I fancied.) It's my pony. My chocolate house with the pond in the back. All this while, I've been doing my part and then asking God to do His. I've been expecting it and waiting for it, and I still will because I'm hopeful. But a month or two ago, I started acting like Harry about it. Not throwing things and calling God a fraud, but there were similarities.
And then it hit me. I call Jesus my Lord. I ask for His will to be done. And I mean it...unless His will isn't my will? Psh. C'mon. I truly believe my Father is real and He loves me and cares about me and knows what's best. I believe His plans are better than mine. So, then, why do I think I get to act like a baby when things don't happen when and how I would like?
I remind myself of this promise (and then remind myself that it still may not look like what I picture):
"Delight yourself in the Lord; And He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4
Believing His timing is better has helped a ton with the wait. I'm going to be a momma. But I really do what to be a momma at the best time, and God knows when that is. Maybe He knows what needs to fall in place first, or maybe Gary and I need to grow first. I have no idea what the reasons are, and I don't need to. I do see, though, that through this wait, I am learning so much more about God and our relationship, so that's definitely something. I simply need to trust that God is more like Spider Man than Mother Gothel. And then enjoy the wonderful things I am already blessed with.
I also want to add that while I was whining, Father didn't once get angry with me for not trusting Him. He just held me and loved me and let me have a minute. He's such a patient gentleman. His grace covers my whining and impatience and lack of trust. His grace is bigger than my disbelief.