I Don't Want to be the Awkward Mom on the Playground

Welcome, fellow awkward mom and/or mom with social anxiety. Nice to meet you on the internet, our most comfortable social place. I think you'll relate to what I share in this post. I hope you'll be encouraged too! (BECAUSE YOU ROCK.) And at the end of the post, you'll find things that help me manage anxiety that I wanted to share to help you too. 

There's a mom who goes to every single mom and baby group, laughs loudly with her baby, confidently dazzles with conversation, and then invites the other moms over for brunch or a cookout. (And her carpets look and smell brand new!)

This mom is not me.

But I wish she were.

Instead, I'm the mom who shows up to the mom and baby groups with a little sweat in my armpits and a squadron of butterflies in my stomach. I'm the mom who tries to show up early so I don't have to go through the panic of deciding where to sit in an already full room (the worst!) and then insert myself into an already established conversation. I'm the mom who, on Monday can converse like my fantasy self, but by Tuesday, can't bear the thought of socializing. I'm the mom who talks a little more quietly to her baby in public than she does at home because what if how I talk to my baby is not the "right way" to talk to a baby? (Ridiculous.)

I can't pretend I know everything about social anxiety, but I'm pretty sure mine stems from insecurities and lies I've believed about myself from a very young age. Hence, why I refuse to call my son "shy."

I don't want to be the mom with social anxiety. Not just because walking into a full room is painful, but because I don't want to pass anxiety on to my son. I want to lead by example, so it doesn't make sense if I pump him up, tell him how awesome he is and that he should be himself, love himself, and put himself out there...if I can't do the same.

So what can I do? My baby is here, growing, watching, learning already. Am I totally screwing up when I walk into a room full of people, and my baby watches my lips tense and listens to my voice fill with self-doubt? Am I doomed to teach him all the wrong things about confidence, socializing, loving oneself?

No.

Sure, my baby will pick up on how uncomfortable I am trying to insert myself into a group conversation. But that's not all he's going to see. He's also going to see me try. And in trying, he'll see me fail and succeed. He'll watch and learn as I give myself grace and laugh off awkward encounters. If I cry after an uncomfortable interaction, he'll learn that moms have difficult, sad feelings too. He'll understand it's okay to stay home if you need a break from people. And then after that? He'll see me go out and try again. And again and again. He'll see me conquer fear with action. He'll notice there's a connection between how much love I have for myself and how much time I've spent in God's presence. He'll witness what a real difference it makes to bask in the love of our Creator.

None of that would be possible if I were the perfect, fantasy version of myself. So I guess being the awkward mom on the playground isn't the worst thing, after all. Not when it means my flawed son learns how to be brave by watching his flawed, brave momma.

_______________

Update: I wrote this as a brand new mom who had zero mom friends. Now my kiddo is 2.5, and I have the best mom friends in the world! Buuuuut I'm still awkward. Haha! The cool thing is that I've really found my people, and either they're also awkward or they're just kind of gracious--or both! I still struggle socially and even recently had myself an Introvert Staycation for two weeks because I was drowning is social life. I just wanted to share that with any moms reading this who feel like they'll never make any mommy friends. You will! Put yourself out there and keep trying.

I've also found some things that majorly help reduce my anxiety...

- CBD oil! My goodness, I take this when I feel anxious, and it just puts me in a state of calm. There's no THC so there's no "high," but the tight feeling in my chest goes away, and I just have this peaceful feeling left. If you want to try the CBD oil I use and love for a discount, you'll get 10% off with my code: "HerArmsAreStrong" by using my affiliate link: Hemp Extracts Full Spectrum CBD Oil.

-Clean eating, GAPS, paleo diet. Our gut health directly impacts our mental health. Happy gut, peaceful mind.

-Meditation. I recommend "Letting Go of What Others Think about Us" by Meditation Minis Podcast. It's less than ten minutes. I just used this before a playdate today, and it helped so much. 

_______________

Related post: Why I Refuse to Call My Son "Shy"

 
Want more content about crunchy/natural living, gentle parenting, and faith? Check out Her Arms Are Strong on Facebook! If you were encouraged by this, please share and pin to pass it on!