2 Fundamental Reasons We've Chosen Unschooling
I've wanted to write about unschooling all year long, and it's taken me a long time to bring this post into existence for a couple reasons. One, most of my friends and family send their kids to school, and I never wanted this to feel like something I think they're doing "wrong." I don't want this to feel like blame towards well-meaning teachers either. I know a lot of wonderful teachers. The parents and teachers are all doing their best, but I think everyone is believing in a system that is fundamentally broken and not serving our kids in the best way. So before you read more, this is not about the parents or teachers. It's about the system. It's about childism. And taking a look at what we can do differently for our kids. As always, take what resonates with you and trust your powerful momma intuition.
I'll highlight the shortcomings of school, the reason unschooling is healthier and more authentic, and some personal stories from me, someone who "excelled" in school but it's now unschooling her kiddo.
(Pssst...want to listen to the podcast version instead? Listen here on Anchor FM, Spotify, Apple Podcast, or look up Her Arms Are Strong wherever you listen to podcasts.)
Here are the two major reasons we've chosen unschooling.
1. Respect and Freedom
Respect and freedom go hand-in-hand because if you aren't giving someone freedom, are you giving them respect?
School shortcoming:
I cringe to think of all the ways kids are disrespected and controlled in schools, and we see it as totally normal because of childism. There's hardly room for autonomy in school. Let's think about basic human needs.
Food and drink. Only allowed within specific times and with permission. But each body has unique needs.
Bathroom. Again, only at certain times and with permission, but bathroom needs are so private and can have a lot of different factors. It's degrading that kids have to ask permission to do their basic human, private business, and even then they might be denied if it's not the "right time."
Socializing. Some kids are energetically sensitive and socially introverted, and yet they're forced to be with tons of other people for seven hours straight. And we wonder why these kids are withdrawn and have so much social anxiety. They're overloaded with no relief! On the flip side, social kids are constantly being told it's not social hour. (And yet...homeschooled kids are weird because of their socialization?)
And then there's sleep and energy. We disrupt natural sleep patterns by waking them up too early, and then for the next seven hours of their day, too bad if they need a nap. Too bad if they need some down time. If they're lucky, they'll get some reading time, and if they're really lucky, that's actually what relaxes them vs drawing or playing. Or on the other end, a kid may need more physical activity but is confined to only moving during gym and recess, and then probably given a prescription because he can't sit still.
Family time. Family time is cut big time because of school. Some kids continue to have strong attachements to their parents longer than other kids, ands then that attachement is severed because they're "school age," and this causes anxiety and meltdowns and all sorts of behavior problems. And then, of course, your whole life is dictated by school hours. That time is no longer your family's time. Some schools even penalize family vacations taken during school days. (Even though traveling offers a lot of authentic learning opportunities and strengthens family bonds, which is healthier for kids...)
Unschooling is better because:
The child gets to follow their natural needs! They can eat when they're hungry, pee when they have to pee, rest when they're tired, run when they have energy, talk when they have an idea. You can go on family outings whenever you want. Kids can detach from their parents when they're ready. There's respect. They are valued as a person who has needs and knows when and how those needs should be met.
Personal stories:
I was that little girl with a fast metabolism who was always, always hungry because I needed to eat before "lunch time." My aching, growling belly was embarrassing and kept me from being able to focus.
I learned in fourth grade that I should stop answering questions because my enthusiasm was too much and it didn't give the other kids enough of a chance. From then on out, for the rest of my school years, I was marked down for not talking enough in class. I was also accused of cheating because I was "doing too well" on my tests. Nothing was ever good enough, and I was deemed untrustworthy just because I was a child.
I peed my pants a ton in third grade because my teacher was exasperated by us every time we asked to go to the bathroom. I was such a conditioned people-pleaser that I avoided adult displeasure at all costs, and instead just held it...until I couldn't.
In eighth grade, my period started, so I asked my male teacher if I could go to the bathroom. He said no, that I knew I should have gone before class. So I didn't. Instead I prayed my heart out that the blood at least wouldn't seep through my pants. That's the same year another male teacher made inappropriate comments about me and always pulled me too close to him. But I never asked for help because all I had learned was that students are untrustworthy, and teacher authority reigns. Nowhere leading up to this moment had I been shown that adults in school valued our individual thoughts or needs.
2. True Learning
School shortcoming:
Let's talk about being measured and marked according to their performance. Everyone knows that kids learn at different rates, have different intelligence strengths, and learn in different ways...and yet they're mostly taught at the same rate based on age, with a curriculum someone deemed appropriate for that age, and taught in handful of possibly limiting ways. The teachers are doing the best they can. I'm not blaming them. I just believe that fundamentally, it doesn't work out for the best interest of the kids. Because a teacher will always favor some learning styles and leave out the rest. They don't have the resources, time, or budget to individualize learning for every child. So then what about the kids who learn one way best, and that's not the way they're being taught? They get lower grades. Lower grades mean you're not smart enough or trying hard enough. Right? That must mean you're not good at learning. Or if the child does excel under the learning conditions, they're constantly praised and rewarded. They're not learning to learn,; they're learning for that praise because it validates them. And now you have two groups of kids. Both are intelligent, but only one group might believe that.
And then, the big question: Is it even real learning? Or is it short-term memorization for the sake of passing a test? And if that's the case, isn't it a giant waste of time? Same goes for homeschooling curriculum that's imposed on a child. Think about it...you remember only what interested you and then maybe a few facts you memorized to a catchy tune or rhyme.
Unschooling is better because:
Kids learn naturally! They learn out of necessity and passion. People do it from birth. And they do it well. Think of all the things your kiddo learns from age 0-3 just because they're innate learners. But then all of a sudden, they turn three and four, and it's up to adults to "make sure" they know their colors and alphabet? And when they turn 5? Forget about it! They need adults to teach them, or they will never learn a thing. Why? Why do we believe that? What happens in that age that takes away their desire to learn? Nothing! They're still learners. And if we leave them to it, they'll still learn without school. But they'll learn authentically, deeply, and with enthusiasm because they're enjoying it. They're hungry for it. It's only when we force them to learn something they don't care about in a timeframe that doesn't suit them, that they push against it and come to see learning as a burden. When kids learn authentically, they're not memorizing facts for a gold star; they're learning how and why things work. They're getting their hands dirty and feeding curiosity.
Personal story:
I was the "smart" kid who got to college and had a rude awakening one morning in my Women's History course. It was a course designed for juniors, and I took it as a freshmen. Our professor handed us each an advertisement from the 1920s. She said, "Tell me about this era based off your ad." My exact thoughts were: "How am I supposed to know if you haven't told me yet?" Followed by, "Holy crap. I don't know how to think for myself." I watched in horror as the rest of the class came up with brilliant answers, and then she got to me, and I floundered. I struggled in every single class that year as I figured out what actual learning was.
Our culture leads us to believe schooling is the default and the only way kids will learn. But it's not. In unschooling, kids learn what they need and want to learn just based off living real life. And because they're learning out of need and passion, the things they're learning actually stick. They're free to listen to their body needs and energetic needs, to be as close to the people they love and trust as they need to be, and to grow and learn at their own pace without being compared to others, pressured, coerced, and validated with external reward.
If this resonates with you, and you want to give unschooling a try or even just learn more about it, I encourage you to reach out. There are plenty of unschooling support groups online. There may even be a group in your physical area.
My heart is not in judgement of those who choose schooling. My heart is to show there's another way. It's an involved, creative, exciting way of life. I truly believe every child and family would benefit from this way of life.
Stay tuned because as my kiddo is officially preschool age, I'll be sharing more about our unschooling adventures on this blog and on social media. Follow along here:
Facebook
closed Facebook group
Instagram
Pinterest
I'll highlight the shortcomings of school, the reason unschooling is healthier and more authentic, and some personal stories from me, someone who "excelled" in school but it's now unschooling her kiddo.
(Pssst...want to listen to the podcast version instead? Listen here on Anchor FM, Spotify, Apple Podcast, or look up Her Arms Are Strong wherever you listen to podcasts.)
Here are the two major reasons we've chosen unschooling.
1. Respect and Freedom
Respect and freedom go hand-in-hand because if you aren't giving someone freedom, are you giving them respect?
School shortcoming:
I cringe to think of all the ways kids are disrespected and controlled in schools, and we see it as totally normal because of childism. There's hardly room for autonomy in school. Let's think about basic human needs.
Food and drink. Only allowed within specific times and with permission. But each body has unique needs.
Bathroom. Again, only at certain times and with permission, but bathroom needs are so private and can have a lot of different factors. It's degrading that kids have to ask permission to do their basic human, private business, and even then they might be denied if it's not the "right time."
Socializing. Some kids are energetically sensitive and socially introverted, and yet they're forced to be with tons of other people for seven hours straight. And we wonder why these kids are withdrawn and have so much social anxiety. They're overloaded with no relief! On the flip side, social kids are constantly being told it's not social hour. (And yet...homeschooled kids are weird because of their socialization?)
And then there's sleep and energy. We disrupt natural sleep patterns by waking them up too early, and then for the next seven hours of their day, too bad if they need a nap. Too bad if they need some down time. If they're lucky, they'll get some reading time, and if they're really lucky, that's actually what relaxes them vs drawing or playing. Or on the other end, a kid may need more physical activity but is confined to only moving during gym and recess, and then probably given a prescription because he can't sit still.
Family time. Family time is cut big time because of school. Some kids continue to have strong attachements to their parents longer than other kids, ands then that attachement is severed because they're "school age," and this causes anxiety and meltdowns and all sorts of behavior problems. And then, of course, your whole life is dictated by school hours. That time is no longer your family's time. Some schools even penalize family vacations taken during school days. (Even though traveling offers a lot of authentic learning opportunities and strengthens family bonds, which is healthier for kids...)
Unschooling is better because:
The child gets to follow their natural needs! They can eat when they're hungry, pee when they have to pee, rest when they're tired, run when they have energy, talk when they have an idea. You can go on family outings whenever you want. Kids can detach from their parents when they're ready. There's respect. They are valued as a person who has needs and knows when and how those needs should be met.
Personal stories:
I was that little girl with a fast metabolism who was always, always hungry because I needed to eat before "lunch time." My aching, growling belly was embarrassing and kept me from being able to focus.
I learned in fourth grade that I should stop answering questions because my enthusiasm was too much and it didn't give the other kids enough of a chance. From then on out, for the rest of my school years, I was marked down for not talking enough in class. I was also accused of cheating because I was "doing too well" on my tests. Nothing was ever good enough, and I was deemed untrustworthy just because I was a child.
I peed my pants a ton in third grade because my teacher was exasperated by us every time we asked to go to the bathroom. I was such a conditioned people-pleaser that I avoided adult displeasure at all costs, and instead just held it...until I couldn't.
In eighth grade, my period started, so I asked my male teacher if I could go to the bathroom. He said no, that I knew I should have gone before class. So I didn't. Instead I prayed my heart out that the blood at least wouldn't seep through my pants. That's the same year another male teacher made inappropriate comments about me and always pulled me too close to him. But I never asked for help because all I had learned was that students are untrustworthy, and teacher authority reigns. Nowhere leading up to this moment had I been shown that adults in school valued our individual thoughts or needs.
2. True Learning
School shortcoming:
Let's talk about being measured and marked according to their performance. Everyone knows that kids learn at different rates, have different intelligence strengths, and learn in different ways...and yet they're mostly taught at the same rate based on age, with a curriculum someone deemed appropriate for that age, and taught in handful of possibly limiting ways. The teachers are doing the best they can. I'm not blaming them. I just believe that fundamentally, it doesn't work out for the best interest of the kids. Because a teacher will always favor some learning styles and leave out the rest. They don't have the resources, time, or budget to individualize learning for every child. So then what about the kids who learn one way best, and that's not the way they're being taught? They get lower grades. Lower grades mean you're not smart enough or trying hard enough. Right? That must mean you're not good at learning. Or if the child does excel under the learning conditions, they're constantly praised and rewarded. They're not learning to learn,; they're learning for that praise because it validates them. And now you have two groups of kids. Both are intelligent, but only one group might believe that.
And then, the big question: Is it even real learning? Or is it short-term memorization for the sake of passing a test? And if that's the case, isn't it a giant waste of time? Same goes for homeschooling curriculum that's imposed on a child. Think about it...you remember only what interested you and then maybe a few facts you memorized to a catchy tune or rhyme.
Unschooling is better because:
Kids learn naturally! They learn out of necessity and passion. People do it from birth. And they do it well. Think of all the things your kiddo learns from age 0-3 just because they're innate learners. But then all of a sudden, they turn three and four, and it's up to adults to "make sure" they know their colors and alphabet? And when they turn 5? Forget about it! They need adults to teach them, or they will never learn a thing. Why? Why do we believe that? What happens in that age that takes away their desire to learn? Nothing! They're still learners. And if we leave them to it, they'll still learn without school. But they'll learn authentically, deeply, and with enthusiasm because they're enjoying it. They're hungry for it. It's only when we force them to learn something they don't care about in a timeframe that doesn't suit them, that they push against it and come to see learning as a burden. When kids learn authentically, they're not memorizing facts for a gold star; they're learning how and why things work. They're getting their hands dirty and feeding curiosity.
Personal story:
I was the "smart" kid who got to college and had a rude awakening one morning in my Women's History course. It was a course designed for juniors, and I took it as a freshmen. Our professor handed us each an advertisement from the 1920s. She said, "Tell me about this era based off your ad." My exact thoughts were: "How am I supposed to know if you haven't told me yet?" Followed by, "Holy crap. I don't know how to think for myself." I watched in horror as the rest of the class came up with brilliant answers, and then she got to me, and I floundered. I struggled in every single class that year as I figured out what actual learning was.
Our culture leads us to believe schooling is the default and the only way kids will learn. But it's not. In unschooling, kids learn what they need and want to learn just based off living real life. And because they're learning out of need and passion, the things they're learning actually stick. They're free to listen to their body needs and energetic needs, to be as close to the people they love and trust as they need to be, and to grow and learn at their own pace without being compared to others, pressured, coerced, and validated with external reward.
If this resonates with you, and you want to give unschooling a try or even just learn more about it, I encourage you to reach out. There are plenty of unschooling support groups online. There may even be a group in your physical area.
My heart is not in judgement of those who choose schooling. My heart is to show there's another way. It's an involved, creative, exciting way of life. I truly believe every child and family would benefit from this way of life.
Stay tuned because as my kiddo is officially preschool age, I'll be sharing more about our unschooling adventures on this blog and on social media. Follow along here:
closed Facebook group
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